Gone Bad Girls Productions Presents:
X-treme Solos: Mandy
Horny Heidi and Miss D
X-treme Solos: Horny Heidi
Gone Bad Girls

Gone Bad Girls is a one-man porn powerhouse based in Royal Palm Beach, Florida. Aaron (as we like to do in the rock n’ roll world, I’m just gonna adopt his vision as a surname) Gone Bad prescribes to no standard formula- he’s produced hardcore, softcore, fetish, girl/girl, and everything in between- but if there’s a connection to all of it, it’s a level of quality you just don’t usually see in most ‘Pro-Am’ outfits. He’s got a great eye for really interesting-looking, sexy girls, and he shoots them with all the artistry and flash of a music video director. His work is pure eye candy, and there’s always an underlying sense of enthusiasm and giddy fun in the girls when they’re in front of his camera. Perhaps he feeds them handfuls of X, perhaps he just pays them big wads of long green, or perhaps he’s just really, really good at what he does. Whatever the reason, a Gone Bad Girls production is always a treat. Here’s three recent entries.

But first, I just want to say, for the record, that the people who design and manufacture dildoes are a bunch of fuckin' weirdos. Some of these bizarrely shaped, multi-colored, multi-contoured contraptions look like those fake-out grenades the Russians used to drop in Afghanistan, which looked so much like crazy toys that kids would snatch ‘em up, bring ‘em home, and accidentally blow the whole family to kingdom come. Others look like rubbery outer space alien larvae. If you tossed any one of them out of your window on the highway, state troopers would have traffic blocked off for miles until the bomb squad figured out what the infernal device lying in the road and buzzing was. It amazes me that women can be convinced to insert these things in their pussies, and other tender places. Oh, but they do, especially when you’re not looking, which is why a good solo-girl tape is like a window into a whole new wild world, one that’s usually off-limits to horny jerks like us.

If you ever hear any mention of “The Art of Masturbation”, you just know they're talking about female craftsmen. Certainly, there is no ‘art’ in stroking one out to your fave sloppy anal scene five minutes before you split for work, leaving the evidence to crust up in an old sock on the floor. Ah, but a woman can give any act a graceful turn, which is why videos like the “X-treme Solos” series exist. Maybe they don’t make an obsessive habit of it like men do, but women have gotta get their rocks off too, and what a compelling concept, to watch them work out their sexy self-abuse for our voyeuristic kicks. And what do you know? I’ve got a stellar example right here.

Mandy, the star of this edition of "X-treme Solos", is absolutely beautiful, the kind of perfectly sculpted blonde goddess that lets you buy her fruity drinks at the bar all night and then laughs right in your face when you asked for her phone number. So, I guess you can consider this little show n’ tell as some kinda revenge, if you want. As the DVD opens, Mandy is a vision rocker/stripper bliss in a skintight leopard skin tube dress and a spiked collar. She shimmies around for awhile to the adult contempo muzak on the soundtrack (actually, that was probably dubbed in later- more likely, there was an old Junkyard or Firehouse record spinning on the stereo), then strips down to her thong and crawls around the floor, showing off the perfect symmetry and peaches and cream complexion of her entirely luxurious ass. Later, she spread-eagles in front of a blanket on the floor, which is covered with all kinds of complicated masturbation gear. She tries out most of them- a couple, as she reveals later on, in the out-takes, against her better judgement- until she finally settles on a big prickly red caterpillar of a dildo, which brings her home with a shudder. And good lord, does she look good doing it.

“Horny” Heidi is a classic art school chick – short, bleach-blonde hair, bright eyes, pouty lips, tiny tits, vegetarian thin, slightly elfin, and, most likely, brainy. She’s the kind of girl “Alternative” comics artists love to draw and obsess over. You probably went to college with a girl like Heidi, and she was probably fucking your professor. In "Horny Heidi and Miss D",she’s all leathered up and blindfolded, strapped down to a table in a weirdly familiar looking interrogation room. I think the cops threw me in there once for a few hours to cool off after an Ativan binge, or something. Miss D is a slightly evil looking brunette, a goth grrrl, perhaps, and she administers all manner of Bad Fun on the smart chick. Ya get the hot wax on the nipples, a pussy full of clothespins (Yikes!), strap-on fellatio and doggy-style fucking. The works, in other words. I’m not the biggest S&M fan on Planet X- it’s all a little too complicated for me- but it sure does look pretty. There’s some comic relief out-takes at the end, too, just to let you know that everything turned out ok, and Heidi didn’t have to grab a cab to the emergency room afterwards, or nothin’.

Her royal horniness returns in "X-treme Solos: Heidi". In this one, Heidi’s got red hair, and she’s wearing a sundress, which suits her much better than the heavy metal slutwear she had on in the bondage flick. She talks to the camera a bit about herself- like most girls, she’s thinks her eyes are one of her best features, and for once, I agree, they’re dazzling- and then she walks into the most extravagant looking entertainment room I’ve seen since last time I hung out over at Puff Daddy’s place. Everybody in Florida must be rich, but because all their houses look like this. Anyway, she pops in a tape to get her in the mood. We don’t see the tape, so use your imagination. I’m thinking “Let Me Tell Ya ‘Bout Black Chicks”, but that’s just a guess. At any rate, the tape gets her worked up enough to break out a big bottle of lube, pull down her panties, stretch out on the futon, and get to work. First she takes on a lethal looking glass dildo, which she seems to really dig. Then the cameraman asks her some more questions, and she tells a convoluted tale about her and a friend and a couple of mannequins. At one point, she claims they poured “Caramel juice” on the dummies. Caramel juice ? I might have to take back the ‘brainy’ comment. She goes back to the self-stimulation, first on all fours, and then she switches to a more forceful, intense orgasm hunt on her knees. Later on, she pulls out a candle, and drips hot wax all over her pussy. She finishes off with a steamy shower. Besides being a bit taken aback by the interviewing process, Heidi is a smooth self-operator, and this “X-treme” solo flight is as playful as it is sexy. A real charmer, this one.

All three of these DVD’s are artfully shot, by the way, with just the right amount of effects- solarization, black and white shots, slow-mo, that kind of thing- to remind you there are pros at work here, but not enough to make you think they’re showing off. This stuff looks just as good as any of those softcore vanity jobs Playboy puts out to stroke their centerfolds’ egos, only, you know, harder . They’ve even got similar music, that synthesized jazz-lite stuff you’re likely to hear when Jenny McCarthy takes a bubble bath. Ok, so I actually put on Mercyful Fate’s “Don’t Break the Oath” to blare out the bath tub music, but I hear it works wonders on most guys.
-Sleazegrinder