We Swallow 2 Rodney Moore Sequel to a gay vampire movie? Nope. Follow up to the Misfits’ classic fangface thrasher “We Bite”? Good idea, but wrong again. We Swallow 2 is the glorious second edition of Rodney “King of Kream” Moore’s comprehensive cum-guzzlin’-whores vignette compilation series. Now, I know brother Rod gets his fair share of hell from the late-night pornoisseurs out there, because he’s kind of a goofball, and because he runs his empire much like that informercial nut with the yacht full of bikini bims, Tom Vu, and because frankly, his hooded lil’ buddy is fuckin’ weird looking, but, you know, screw those guys. Fact o’ the matter is, Moore delivers the sleazy goods like a pizzaman with a 30 minute window – hot, fast, and with the steamin' pie in his hands.
The genius- and sure, I’m using that term loosely, big deal- of the We Swallow series is that Rodney spends a whole lotta time on the build-up, which is woefully absent from 90% of the amped-up superporn on the market these days. If you’re really not in the mood for antici-pay-ay-tion, you can always FF a few frames and sink right into the stink, but if you wanna grow a hands-free hard-on and let if percolate in your pants for awhile before shootin’ off like a tiny rocket, than the ‘Swallow’ series is truly where it’s at. Let us take a quick stroll through the earthly delights on display, and I’ll explain what I mean.
I should point out right off that this edition’s centerpiece is Vantasia, the hottest, bustiest, most-doped up and space-shot porn star on the planet, and I’d easily lay down a sawbuck or whatever for a tape of her doing just about anything- reading the morning paper, even (although I kinda doubt that she’s big on current events, really)-so my journalistic integrity, as slipshod and suspect as it already is, is just shot all to hell as far as this one’s concerned. In WS2, Rod’s got her on the couch, blindfolded, and he’s handing her various objects, like shoes and CD’s, and asking her to identify them for $20 a pop. As with all of her Rodney encounters, it’s pretty hazy as to whether Vantasia understands that this is all part of the act, because when Rodney applauds her for correctly guessing that a shoe is a shoe, she seems genuinely proud of herself. Now, you know and I know that sooner or later, he’s gonna run out of geegaws and just hand her his dick, but he takes his sweet time getting there. And when he does, she recognizes what it is right away- by taste, even. Hot damn, can this broad gobble a bone. Not only that, but her areolas are just about the same size as her actual tits, which is really something to see. Anyway, she slobbers all over the place- the whole room is covered in spit by the time she’s through- and she happily gargles Rod’s goo like milky Listerine before gulping it all down like a very bad, very good girl. Listen, I know Vantasia’s
doomed man, you can see it in her eyes, but I fuckin’ dig her like a grave anyway.
The other big ticket item in this edition, surprisingly enough, is Cherry, the slightly chubby blonde on the bottom half of just about every gonzoporn flick on the market today. Cherry is the quintessential teenage runaway, and she must have some good cover story- and a really good fake ID- to keep running with the big girls. Most of the time she seems shamefully young to me, and too much like some gum-snapping hussy hanging outside the 7-11, offering handjobs for lids of skunk weed, but Rodney has found the role of a lifetime for her here. She plays his assistant, and he plays a sleazy “bikini model” photographer, seducing the freckled-faced Cherry Lane(no relation to just-Cherry, as if you needed to be told) into stripping down and getting’ dirty. At first, Lane is unaware that any funny business is going on, but everytime she turns away, out pops Rod’s dick, and goes straight into Cherry’s mouth. When Cherry finally catches them, he explains that it helps him take “Better pictures”, which she buys, because it’s in the script. Ultimately, he convinces her to rub his cock with her feet, sit next to Cherry on the couch naked and masturbate (hot!), and finally, to just go ahead and suck his cock, and trade the resultant mouthful with his willful assistant. Personally, I think Cherry Lane caved too quickly, but we gotta keep things moving, right? Anyway, Cherry is supersexy as the clandestine cocksucker here. Under Rodney’s direction, she’s an awesomely dirty, sneaky little slut. Just like we like our teenage runaways. Right?
Rodney runs into cartoon-curvy Julian More in a motel room hallway. She’s having some kinda trouble with the Coke machine. “I’m really thirsty”, she says, rubbing her belly. Doesn’t rubbing your belly mean you’re hungry? Anyway, Rod talks her into coming into his room for a drink, and she appears completely OK with the idea that the ‘drink’ he;s got planned involves him jerking off into a tumbler filled with ice. She helps him along with some righteous deep-throat action (she’s really thirsty, remember). Man, this chick is built like a fuckin’ Cadillac- you know, for a luxury ride- and to be honest, I was finished and out on the porch havin’ a smoke long before Rodney finally got around to serving More her spermy cocktail. I’m sure she enjoyed it, though.
Oh yeah, braces-wearing beauty Cierra Sage gets picked up on the street and seduced by Rodney (hey, it’s only a movie, baby) and tattooed biker bitch Autumn Haze is an unlikely TV exec that somehow ends up with a mouthful of Moore. Oh, and the whole thing gets kicked off with a performance by Rodney and the Swallowettes. The Swallowettes have big meaty asses, and they shake ‘em real good. Utterly bitchin’.
-Sleazegrinder
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