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#364980 - 10/05/08 01:40 AM
Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Pervert
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 2058
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Welcome to the "Alligator Olympics" -- a celebration of the worst teeth in porn. Some might say "you don't look a gift whore in the mouth", but my contention is "why can't these girls make their first stop with a fresh paycheck be the dentist rather than the plastic surgeon?" Nooooo.. instead they're busy with implants. This thread may seem nitpicky, but teeth are important to people. Just ask a woman where she ranks a good set of teeth on a guy in terms of must-haves - it's usually in her top three. People are merely self-important animals that have been evolving for a long time with genetic programming that seeks out, among other criteria, physical "symmetry" in the opposite sex. Among the many genetic indicators of symmetry are teeth, and we know a bad set when we see it. We know.
So, sit back, relax and contribute your entrants into the Alligator Olympics or just enjoy the trainwreck - pics of female performers that seem capable of devouring an apple through a chainlink fence, look like they've been eating concrete sandwiches, or maybe even instill a fear that if they happened to sneeze with your cock in their mouth, you might be waking up in the emergency room. Remember, we're not just talking about girls with two big rabbit incisor front teeth, we're talking about teeth that look like they could trim the bark from a tree with beaver-like efficiency. We're also talking about girls that don't own a toothbrush.
If a girl's got a snaggle-tooth trying to start a second row of teeth, post it. If her teeth are yellow, brown or black, post it. If it's photoshopped or retouched, that's no fun. Admittedly its hard to find photos of bad teeth since most websites at least will not post the pics from their shoots that feature the bad choppers at the wrong moment; however video doesn't lie.
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#364982 - 10/05/08 03:07 AM
Re: First Four Contestants In The Alligator Olympics
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 4468
Loc: Great America
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#364984 - 10/05/08 11:12 AM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Pervert
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 2058
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Quote:
Quote:
"why can't these girls make their first stop with a fresh paycheck be the dentist rather than the plastic surgeon?" Nooooo.. instead they're busy with implants.
I can't agree with you more-- but I would imagine that most of these teeth issues require braces, which have to stay on for at least a year. Going under the knife means you can be back to work in 3 weeks. I have a crooked tooth on my bottom row of teeth, but my overbite tends to hide it.  My parents are English so I didn't get braces (go figure) and by the time it began to bother me I was too old and too vain to wire my teeth up.
Good point about them maybe not wanting to deal with braces for a long time, though at least for younger starlets I can't imagine it would stop their phone from ringing, especially given the teen / barely legal genre that's a driving force in new releases.
They actually have less of an excuse these days with modern dental implements - not only have clear braces existed for years but more significantly products like "Invisalign" have appeared which is a clear tray in the front and a single wire in the back of the row of teeth - my g/f got these instead of braces and ended up with perfect choppers. They don't fix all problems but point is there are many options these days.
Anyway this thread is meant tongue-in-cheek rather than in any mean-spirited or schadenfreude way, so I'll leave the preaching at that.
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#364986 - 10/05/08 01:44 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Registered Sex Offender
Registered: 07/09/06
Posts: 2362
Loc: St. Louis
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Quote:
My parents are English so I didn't get braces (go figure) and by the time it began to bother me I was too old and too vain to wire my teeth up.
Did they at least let you brush your teeth once in a while? Did they make you by your own tubes of Crest because they didn't see any need to indulge you with frivolity?
_________________________
"Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken."
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#364989 - 10/05/08 02:45 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Pervert
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 2058
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Quote:
Where can I find more Lily? 
@Zenman:
mikesapartment. yeah she's cute but get your dick insured first, since the preview pics don't allude to the terror that lurks within.
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#364990 - 10/05/08 03:17 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Where can I find more Lily?
I agree.
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#364991 - 10/05/08 05:07 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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This thread rocks! It has bite.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#364993 - 10/05/08 09:44 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Sex Slave Trader
Registered: 01/12/05
Posts: 1342
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This is the kind of thread the Cage was built for. Keep on keepin' on, brother Mark.
_________________________
"Bornyo sleeps under a bearskin that he killed and skinned when he was 5. He just stared the thing dead with mind bullets." - Floofin
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#364995 - 10/05/08 10:31 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Pervert
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 2058
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Quote:
This is the kind of thread the Cage was built for. Keep on keepin' on, brother Mark.
Much thanks - I'll keep posting more then. I've read some comments in other threads (from females) that threads like this one and the "she has dead inside eyes" thread only serve to further "humiliate" the female talent and that we're somehow here to kick dirt into their faces in some mean-spirited way.
Not so. Most of us including myself would still worship at the feet of most of the starlets with the opportunity, and the tongue-in-cheek nature of these threads aren't much different than the mainstream rag mags, TMZ or perez hilton posting pics of vacationing hollywood stars on the beach and drawing circles around their cellulite for everyone's amusement.
We tease because we love.
Since I'm new to posting here after lurking a few months I figured I'd try breaking up the monotony of "escalating one line insults" that many threads tend to be on here - that's not the way to grow the user base.
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#364997 - 10/06/08 12:08 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 756
Loc: Somewhere in the middle
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Quote:
Sunny Lane's skin is whiter than her teeth.
I have no idea why this girl is popular. 
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#364998 - 10/06/08 01:29 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 4468
Loc: Great America
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Quote:
Quote:
Sunny Lane's skin is whiter than her teeth.
I have no idea why this girl is popular.
dude 95% of girls in the porn industry are ugly as fuck or but they are popular because they do what other girl doesn't dare do... being a whore on video
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#365001 - 10/08/08 04:00 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Pervert
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 2204
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Quote:
Naudia Marie
nadia marie teeth look like her tongue was the staging of a roadside bomb.
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#365002 - 10/08/08 05:46 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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three days and no jersey jaxsin pics? for shame.
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#365005 - 10/08/08 07:43 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/30/08
Posts: 7596
Loc: a site known for its tolerance...
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Funny thing: That's not the worst pic I've seen of JJ's teeth, just one I could find off hand. You can literally chart her time in the biz by the deterioration of her chompers...
_________________________
"I'll never forget the moment during the lovely Alyssa Allure's scene in 'American Bukkake' where the fellow got out of his wheel chair to ejaculate on her face. It was grotesque but had a certain frisson." -Sock
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#365006 - 10/09/08 01:24 AM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Sex Slave Trader
Registered: 11/14/04
Posts: 1460
Loc: Down there
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As I've said prevously that I'm the undiplomatic kind, Mark you sir, are gaining my approval. Bravo.
_________________________
I like me some Gia'd Jerkins.
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#365013 - 10/09/08 10:49 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
The lovely Nicole Ray
This girl is in the lead... far and away.
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#365017 - 10/10/08 01:17 AM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Pervert
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 2058
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Faceblaster! My man, you snatched up the football that came loose from the dogpile and ran with it to the endzone. Excellent find with Nicole. An otherwise beautiful face + snaggle tooth on top row + bashed in set of piano keys on the bottom row = HAT TRICK. 
To think Nicole Ray was right under our noses all this time with those lawnmowers.
I've officially been put on notice - NOW we got a contest, baby.
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#365018 - 10/10/08 01:23 AM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Sex Slave Trader
Registered: 11/14/04
Posts: 1460
Loc: Down there
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Leave it up to the walking petri dish, herpes simplex 10³ having irons to shit on a great thread. Fuck you midget.
_________________________
I like me some Gia'd Jerkins.
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#365019 - 10/10/08 01:28 AM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Pervert
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 2058
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Quote:
Leave it up to the walking petri dish, herpes simplex 10³ having irons to shit on a great thread. Fuck you midget.
I think that was the "commercial break", BIFF. As long as he continues to command the churning of birthing serum onto teen faces like a civil war general ordering cannons fired, he's got diplomatic immunity in my book.
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#365022 - 10/10/08 08:54 AM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 07/14/08
Posts: 787
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Quote:
Leigh Malvo 
holy shit... that is disgusting... and I'm not talking about her teeth...
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#365024 - 10/10/08 10:45 AM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 12/01/05
Posts: 278
Loc: Indiana
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Quote:
Leigh Malvo
I honestly don't know a single guy who would stick his dick into that head, but apparently someone out there has. *shudders*
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#365025 - 10/10/08 11:24 AM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Her name is actually "Leigh Malvo"???
Good catch. Is her middle name "Boyd?" I get the feeling "Alec James" Irons named her.
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#365027 - 10/10/08 11:42 AM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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So Alec James did name her. When do we get to see Davida Berkowitz and Jane Wilkes Booth?
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#365028 - 10/10/08 12:06 PM
Re: Alligator Olympics: The Worst Teeth In Porn
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 12/01/05
Posts: 278
Loc: Indiana
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Quote:
Dont forget cute lil Leah Luv. Her braces always had load of cum stuck to the metal. 
You mean like this:
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