The Week of Ava Rose's Birthday, 2007:

The woman drives across country to kidnap and kill someone, and all we care about is the stinking "diaper".
An upmarket London beauty salon says it can give your hair the ultimate shine by treating it with a mixture that includes semen from thoroughbred bulls.
Windsock scripts variation off the woman force-choked with her phone for a future "Gag Factor". Jeff "likey".
When an obsessive/compulsive bi-polar internet blowhard such as FatMan suggests you ought to drop a subject, it's time to sit back and re-assess.
Teens claim early exposure to unwanted porn. And, they don't know who put that "oregano" in their sock drawer.
Distraught over his ex-wife getting a mention here last week, Ryan O'Neal pulls out a gun on his son.
Kelly Steele Presents: Alcoholic suitcase-pimp of has-been whore finances ferry for Al-Queda use and is sent to Turkish prison.
Rob Longshot is the answer to a question that was never asked.
Gia in Dayton, OH: "It's 16 degrees and six inches of snow. I'm wearing thermals under two pairs of sweatpants and a big cable knit sweater."
Willie D TV movie broadcast is temporarily interrupted by a "Simpsons" episode.
To shoot porn all you need is a yellow sofa, a working shower and a bottle of lube - Katja Kassin
Ninja mod Sierra Sinn bans the use of "bans".
Wait until your father gets home!!! A returning Chico lays down the law in "New Talent"!
She is Russian and was a trapeze artist until she broke her wrists falling off, but she definitely does not do anal.
Fuck, that's deep. I'm gonna go pack a bowl now.
Never split a cab with a hooker. Make the 'ho WALK!!
This guy couldn't defend himself against an attacking Balloon Animal.
ShitInPublic.com is the best argument for more/better public bathrooms.
Travelling with Gia tip o' the day: Smuggled mustard packs and sliced tomatoes make a tasty snack.
Meteor intended by Elohim for a certain Mr. Ford takes out two Indian nomads instead when his "companion" Ha-Satan intervenes.
Save the filaments from the back of the silverfish to use for floss after eating it.
In case of making a sudden rambling post that causes you to feel like the FatMan: Stop, log off and shower immediately.
Clubsatan.com is as weak as BIFF is pathetic.
The Cookie Monster: Audrey Bitoni [sched issue with whoring possible]
Banks suspected that Grey's youthful looks were a magnate [sic] for porno sleazeballs.
LouCypher gets a week hard time for derailing threads, preaching hate and running an unlicensed "crew".
It's called laughing, Rob. We are laughing at your illness.
Seka returns to porn at 52. Should be a better non-prescription appetite suppressant than the pills Anna Nicole puked up.
If you're going to NYC and use the Lincoln Tunnel, wave to top of the high cliff to the left before you go in!
Upstate NY buried in snow. Anna Nicole Smith buried in piano box.
Canada introduces new million dollar coin [Canadian]. With the current conversion rate that's 2 for $5 [US], 5 for $10.
Elizabeth Michelle Lawrence: Another Dirty Whore Looking For Cock Alover The World!!!
Luke Ford would like to be intimate, but his testicles only make sand now.
Convicts Read, Learn, Remember: THE FIRST 50 PEOPLE WHO POP GET PAID IN CASH.
Somebody should chase ex-pornstars "in hiding" - It would make a good series.
More on Moxxie's Foxxy Boxxie. When is she going to make the jump from double to triple Xs?
"When working I have withdrawals, sweats and the intense desire to vomit like a whore in 'Gag Factor'." - Gen P.
FatMan's future Smartt car fits comfortably inside TheVODGuy's SUV.
Porn should be about fantasy, not the horrific reality of Life.
GG comes out to she her shadow.
Boston: Downgraded to Terre Haute pop-culture awareness level.
"Is it OK to stare openly at the other guy's cocks if we're having trouble getting wood?" - Brandon Iron
Kids left in -2 wind chill. "She said she was going on vacation and felt that the tanning was a priority."
Bachelor of Hygiene to be required for all Malaysian bathroom attendants.
Required for Payment: Proof of Identity. Proof of Age. Proof of Pop.
Bob Balaban impersonator mistakes Sunny Lane for Sunny Leone. Slander Charges Pending.
REVELATION: NOT all Squirt is pee. Worst New Release: Ass Squirts.
KSEX's Self-confessed sensitive creepy guy Powder finds that "the hair" can break the man.
Gleaned from the classic poem: "Her soul, now gone, to pastures new, where it will marry a wealthy Jew."
GWS, Raven Riley tribute thread welcomed. Still no word if she made it to Holly's mom's.
Free from all cacti indentures, Chasey Lain returns to porn.
Few posts from Mia. The last time I saw her she had a "Got God?" T on. She was "blowing", though.
Guapo's granddaddy didn't even have game enough to wake Snow White.
Word from down under: If hiring Sunny Lane expect her to turn up with a basket of puppies and rays of sunshine shooting out of her nipples.
The path to Druid Hell is paved with the broken bodies of shot squirrels.
PrimeTimeUncensored.com premieres with some new guy playing "Batman".
Ultimate Winner of HD-DVD vs. Blu-Ray hi-def porn war? No one!!!!
Silverfish can go a whole year without food.

"Click me" of the Week:
Shame on you, Luke Ford. SHAME!

"No daughter of mine sucks cock like that! You do it like the priest showed you, or I'll take my belt to you!"
::conkywithspittleinthecornersofhismouth::

"You can be gay for pay if you're a girl, but you can't be gay for pay if you're a dude. You can't get your dick hard unless you're turned on. Right?" - Tyler Faith

Join XPT's Mickey Mouse Club!!!



Daily Schedule of Upcoming Notable Events this Week:

Mon 2/12 LouCypher paroled. ::palmoliverollseyes::
Tue 2/13 Gia Jordan 35 3/4 BDay. [Kitten Natividad 59].
Wed 2/14 Kurt Lockwood surprises self with roses for Valentine's Day!
Thu 2/15 Several Vermont Bear Grams returned to Mr. Powder as "refused".
Fri 2/16 Willie D bumps "Who's Drinking Tonight" thread.
Sat 2/17 Monstar attends Nikki Benz' Santa Barbara show.
Sun 2/18 Chinese New Year - Year of the PIG!



Celebrations begin in earnest as there will be no FatMan posts this week.




Surgeon General Reports: There is no "chronic fatigue syndrome" - You're just fucking lazy, ASSHOLE!

As usual, well done Fatty. Always good to leave on a high note.

Nice work Fatman! Have a great vacation. :jealousbanana:

Enjoy the trip, Fatman. You're going to go into serious posting withdrawal this week.

Get the fail-safe key ready Desmond...

Three Weeks in Review = All This Fun without Me

Hurry up, Register, Post, and Bathe in the warm, sticky comradery of your new XPT friends!
"The girl looks like a Puerto Rican tranny. And not a cute one at that." - Charlie @ Fox Magazine
Not listed at part of LUNCH: a warm bowl of Brazilian Snot Porn Soup.
GG's favorite porn line: "Fuck me in my cock-filled ass." - Audrey Hollander 'Lips that Lie'
Newbie DaBadGuy finds out "squirt" is pee. If forced, reverse bukkake can be shit.
GngBngGrl Update: Irritable vowel syndrome has progressed to full-blown vowel cancer.
May your Gucci gift cards never reach a zero balance.
Pregnant whore funds baby shower with "preger" pics.
Smell another picture thread? - Scratch n Sniff Mia Rose photos!
Porn is all about Fantasy.
The viewer fantasizes about fucking a hot chick.
The "Pornstar" fantasizes that s/he is a star!
A Prayer Unanswered: "Please, dear God, no more nonsense ramblings from this Crisco huffing pig."
"I'm not saying, hey, grow up and have sex for money." - Noami
Sudden increase in 18 yr-olds with orthodontia as wannabes fill the vacuum left by Leah Luv.
Jodie Foster can sing in French while on a swing.
Did you know: Chico is Sergio in Italian!
Forward to 2030. Obese Weehawken man found in front PC after being dead over a year.
"Once they tried to hide it and glued the ear back on ... That’s not good for the dog."
Dreams denied: KK doesn't do the anal, and the whore is a germaphobe.
Whore Law: If you pass out on H and you leave your handbag wide open, the other whores are allowed to go dumpster-diving in there
MY NAME IS STEPHANIE, I'M A BIG SLUT, AND I LIE ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS.
BrandonMobile, complete with bukkake air fresheners - For Sale CHEAP!!
Selling point: Each tire valve is actually another man's erect penis
Vegas odds for "Sale prior to Repo" set at a firm 50 to 1.
Gia Jordan's hair has been telling Loop how it wants to be pulled back and shoved down to the floor.
Jamesn told me God previewed the 10 Commandments. Jamesn hates that.
Question for Windsock: On Meat Curtains, aren't Redheads all 100% 'innies'?
Vin sees becoming a KSEX DJ as the pinnacle of his life.
Ashley Blue leaves JM Productions for a collection of beat writings and a used beret.



Nothing says "Be My Valentine" like Ceara's oiled ass.


















"Celery. Lots of celery. Like buy $5 worth at the grocery store, and eat it all.""
Trinity says it isn't Robbye's job to look cute.
Say WHAAAAT??? Have2Cit it fingered El Glorioso's mangina at AEE?!?
Is it weird being an abomination of the natural order of things, like a "liger"?
Narcissism. Delusions of grandeur. Hypocrisy. Did I miss anything?
"Ummm, I'm not British!" - Wendy "no O." Williams
Being six feet under isn't going to stop certain XPT posters from fucking your mother.
XPT turns: "Didn't Sierra steal a bunch of stuff on a porn set in the past few weeks? It sounds like her MO"
"Trying living here for a while, and I'll bet you'd hate it even more." - Pittsburgh Chamber of Commerce
Surgical Fact: It's not uncommon to meet strippers who've had their breasts done 4-7 times.
If Hillary Scott fulfills all the conditions of her contract, then she walks away with $1M. - USFL's L.A. Express
Christian XXX takes AZT mention as cue to leave.
Porn whores earn more than nurses, teachers, youth workers …
Jenna Jameson: What Lara Flynn Boyle would look like as blonde......with big implants.
The two youngest kids in the family are not actually the father's children but the children of the mother and the oldest son.
"I would be more then happy to make my cum drenched face my avatar for your viewing pleasures." - Mia Rose
XPT: Sooner or later someone you know will be pilloried here for everyone else's enjoyment.
She may be a liar and a manipulator, but it's probably because she doesn't know any other way to survive.
"Like Icarus, I flew too high in the blogosphere, and like Icarus, I lie here crumbled and burned." - Bornyo
… is now a Smelly Monkey: Mad Lib?!?
Jesus. He's always been a drug pusher and deserves to be punished.
"I never ate pussy, but I will do it for you at the drop of a dime....… " - Thiedral Elliot Spears, SS# …
Belladonna bro follows sis into Cocksucking. No news if he plans to grow tits.
Poor GG gets the shitty "Kirstie Alley" role in every XPT remake.
This is Gia Paloma - what kind of powder would you assume it was?
Disappointing Cat fights: Ava vs. Mia. Jezebelle vs. Dana. Kurt vs. Gram.
A "Bad Lieutenant" forced to spray his "Captain Cream". Damned Whore!!!
If we weren't a nation of God-fearing Evangelicals, you can bet that porn sales would be a fraction of what they are now.
Ben peers out of the cage and asks if there's really was a "Porn Jesus".
"I'll let you in on a little secret: I knew all along how crappy I was/am as a person and a journalist." - Scott Fayner
Famous Last Words: "Oh shit! Fuck me!" - Bee Aye
A doctor who makes his living off INTENTIONAL mutilation of the body in a calculated risk that when it heals it will be more "attractive" ... That takes a special kind of arrogance, conceit, and perversion.




Send your hard earned cash to Travis of blueskiesbrowndirt@yahoo.com



There are more girls in porn today than their are STDs.
Ashley Blue is boring, fat and married to a guy who looks like walking death.
Mia Rose: Piercing. It's the only way I have any sensation
Spring training underway. Darth: Best lead-off hitter.
"Shit talkin retards need 2 die and I will fuckin ninja chop u in da nutzzzzzzz" - Sierra Sinn
XPT: "Committed to eventually driving away every attractive female performer who posts here!"
New Porn Jesus Have2CIt's ban prayer remains unanswered by his monkey god.
Now where the fuck can I go find a bra to fit this shit?????
FAR TOO MANY TRANNY PICs
Justine Joli blowing carnies for $150.
If Jesus can't be used as an excuse for every idiot's irresponsible behavior what good is he?
Those murders in Poughkeepsie, they're on you ChickenMaster. faggot!
Prophet Conky predicts "Helter Skelter" Sasha Grey style.
An esteemed panel of Irish Nationalists rate the porn blogs.
"Holly is simply brilliant... with a dick in her mouth."
Bridget the Midget will scan your bathroom for a crack pipe, but she doesn't go to AA meetings.
The Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act 1837 has been violated.
"They've been injected with botox all over their body then beaten over the head to ensure the transformation doesn't come out right."
"Fucking BITCH!! My sister's been fucking around behind my back!" - translated from German for Belladonna
Jamesn leaves China in a huff after they refuse to feed Manchurian Tigers a Tiger shark … or way it the other way around.
POST SOMETHING, FUCKERS!!!



Dante Illustrated: "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate":

(new to the biz) ---> (in the biz) (money) ---> (addiction, shot out, must support habit with) ---> (why?) (oh Lord, no) (why? why? why?) ---> Leaves porn (6-12 months pass, broke, re enters porn repeats cycle one more time, maybe twice) --->(finds Jesus) :happierthanbefore: then, eventually



________________________________________


XPT Oscar Nod for best script:
Chico Travieso, Sierra's Coach and Manager uses a new fangled dog poop scooper to collect the penile remains of BI and incinerates it in the back yard of his posh San Pedro Beach House.
Accepted on behalf of Cecil Dee BeeMille by an AHFD Ceara Lynch in Armani panties


________________________________________


I'll take the "taco" combo, please. Oh yeah, I have a coupon.


This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the chronic-masturbating pervs of XPT

I couldn't go to bed without reading this first. As usual, well done Fatty.

SPECIAL EDITION: KURT LOCKWOOD IN REVIEW

Lockwood responds to alledged "fag" calling with bitch slap.
March 2nd 2007 was "Hate Kurt Lockwood Day". But, never fear, his asshole' remains open.
It's not his fault! Kurt Lockwood was raped by an 84-year old church volunteer.
TO THE NUMBER ONE FANS: IF NO ANAL PLEASURE IS GIVEN TEMPER TANTRUMS MAY TRANSPIRE.
Lockwood flashes Hillary his green-eyed monster.
Kurt didn't assault a reporter. It was exploding peanut butter.
There can never be too many people using the Kurt avatar.
"Lockwood did have more than enough actual nominations to be listed as Orgasmic Analyst."
Jules Jordan and Kurt have more in common than any of us realized.
XPT and ADT can agree on one thing: Kurt Lockwood is a douche.
Kurt's dog must go. Lab refused to sniff Kurt's butt.
Jennifer James is Kurt Lockwood's "biatch".
Will Kurt wear a shirt for his court appearance?
After taking Brian Scott's email to heart, Mayor Bloomberg apologizes to Al Queda.

Oustanding work, Fatman. My God, your poor, poor eyes.

IDES OF MARCH WEEK IN REVIEW

EVERYDAY is Kurt Lockwood Appreciation Day.
Who is "Smartt De Gardener"? All indicators blow in a certain direction.
Sophia Lynn dies of "Malignant Depuration Complex" - A report of cancer death in a vain attempt to erase a porn past.
Can Ceara's oily tush be the cure to racism????
Penny Flame flames Shane's Barren World.
Jailbait Mia Rose accomplishes some feat showing off some feet.
Attentions All Whores! Attention All Whores! Ashley Blues has gone "alt" wrong.
In the land of John McCain, Brokow bumped by porn. Coincidence??
Several take dip in XPT NCAA Pool.
I'm fairly confident my chimp has the potential to be the 4th biggest agency all across the Porno Land.
Misspelling "amatuer" is fucking "amateur".
The stars aren't worth Schitt to Jack.
Fatman places behind sKurt for XPT's choice for the next Reverse Bukkake.
Jamesn erases the serial numbers off dollar bills just in case they can be traced back to him.
"The idea of watching copious amounts of porn was a bit much for me." - Holly Randall
Sounds like Holly won't be a Suze.net subscriber.
On his second tour in Iraq, George David Clyde pines for his "Roses".
Miami adVice: Your pilot SUCKS!!
Zen pays $4 to get Donkey Punch-ed!
They all eventually stick needles into their penis just to get remote interest in the stinky often diseased vagina they are fucking.
I just used way too many words to describe a worthless troll
Is that really Florida, or did she originally ask for a panther and then ran out of cash?
This just in: 101 year-old woman beaten by Lockwood for calling him a fag.
XPT hates Hyde over Fatman by more than 2 to 1.
Who emptied the Doghouse? WhoWhoWhoWhoWho?!?
If you don´t know what to do with $1700, you can always fuck Katja.
If you don't know what to do with $76.47, you can always give it to Ceara.
Soon to be released: "Spinning a Web of Lies" directed by Trannyfer James.
When in SoCal visit the American Museum of Hideous Tattoos conveniently located in Tony Malice's office.
"Suicide by Cop" XPT style: SatanXXX lasts only 7 posts.
Puerto Rican El G thinks he's a "Puertorrican".
"We were given these organs for a reason." - Sunny Lane
Indecision over who will have the pleasure of banning Hyde allows him to stay.
You have the sting of a dead bumblebee
Fatman bloviates.
Selling JM videos may have "estoppel"-ed the Feds in their tracks.
$1700 dollars but you can do a lot of re-gifting
Camelot Farce: Star Trek > Star Wars
Curiously Lockwood's freak out came at the time of a full moon along with a lunar eclipse.
XPT census: Have you ever fucked a hooker?
Katherine Harris is newest nasty anal whore from Florida.
"I know Sunny and she is one of the nicest women in this business. "
Windsock joins Smelly Monkey the XPT Buddha in a state free from suffering and posting.
First of all you have a tattoo on your back that basically points to your ass and says "Hello, kids! Fuck me here!"
The term "positive" has very negative connotations in this industry.


XPT by the Numbers:
"Willie vs. Jack Lawrence" is the 700th Shit List thread.
90,000th General Posting belongs to Moxie. Too bad it was wasted on Sunny Lane.
3000th Cage thread: A Hitchcock homage?!? "Vertigo".
Jap amassed 3,977 panties, 355 bras and 10 pairs of stockings over a six-year period.
Based upon the PPE* closing price, that over $1M in panties alone!!!
Once the # of views of his thread hit 245, Darth turned into Kurt Lockwood.


This week's FEATURE:
Leah metal-wearing Meth whore vs. America's best mom Hillary in Smell-a-Vision

"When your best friend is on your 'NO' list you can't expect other people to want you on [their] 'YES' list[s]."
"I started to get ghetto. As he let me go, Hillary looked like a lizard."
"I am deeply saddened that my former friend Leah Luv is suffering from schizophrenia and severe verbal diarrhea."
"Ninjas named Sierra make much better best friends than you anyway."
"You go to work. You take your clothes off. You bend over. You shove a dick up your ass.'


Hot Girl + Lots of Oil = An Even Hotter Girl =




"Serving the San Fernando Valley with fresh STD's on demand!"




* - Portland Pantie Exchange

To those who enjoy my post, I'll be reporting the "week" again in May!!!

Off to Eastern Europe with my coin jar as advised by H2C. I might be able to buy all the whores in Hungary with the pennies alone!!

An early Good Pesach ...

and Happy Easter!

I am more convinced than ever that new Ceara pics could eliminate racism and ensure an Obama presidency. But now that I see she is offering BJ's to bring Windsock back I have to point out that mere photos of a Ceara BJ could stop global warming (and cause Al Gore to lose 45 pounds).

If Ceara loves the brothas and the planet she will post new pics.

Always leave on a high note.

Hi folks. The Fatman, back from Europe, is having his entire apartment renovated. In what little spare time he has, he's helping Conky with the XPT Awards on a dying PC. So, at the suggestion of a few posters, I've agreed to fill in until Fatty's world returns to "normal". Kind of a slow week, so let's get started:

TRADE TALKS GRIND TO HALT: The Fantasy Porn Forum (FPF) trade talks ground to a halt this week, due to lack of interest. Despite the best efforts of Southern Gentleman Bornyo, it ultimately proved impossible to pry the Fanboys of ADT away from their groveling long enough to conduct negotiations. XPT wins by default.

PHOTO FUNNIES: Holly Randall posts some hilarious BTS shots of Suze's Studios. Conky provides comic captions, and shows us the lighter side of bad photography in the Luke's Camera of Death series.

A NASTY BUSINESS: Houston Don debates Mike South over John T. Bone, 2257 and the Atomic Punk Fiasco. Also under debate: Who's the bigger idiot. This appears to be a grudge match, folks, so stay tuned. The last word has yet to be heard.

MISSING IN ACTION: Despite earnest entreaties, Suburban Wigger Terrorist Guapo still has not returned to the XPT Fold, even blowing off the De'Bella chat. While he has been spotted lurking, it's been weeks since he's made a post. Rumor has it that he's wanted for questioning in a vandalism spree that includes the defacement of Baby G's avatar. Also missing in action: Harvard Alumni Jamesn and Daaaa Burglar have been strangely quiet throughout most of this week. Conspiracy theorists have taken note.

WELCOME BACK: Gen Padova returns after a few weeks away. Gen is responsible for one of my favorite XPT pics; the so-called "Anal Orange." Hope you enjoyed it, wherever you were. In less welcome news, a poster claiming to be Darth made an appearance this weekend and was roundly ignored by most posters. The majority of PMs received by Week In Review suggest that this may be a Mod pulling a gag.

ZZZZZZZZZZZ: The flame war between Have2Cit and LouCypher has officially been declared the Slowest and Most Boring Knife Fight in XPT History. In H2C's defense, he's posting all the way from Japan, and yet is somehow still able to make timely posts. Hmmmmmmm...

DEVIL IN THE DETAILS: Church of Satan priest Shane Bugbee defends his opus, Club Satan. For those of you unfamilliar with Bugbee's masterpiece, it depicts, amongst other things, multiple ejaculation upon a statue of Christ. Most posters remain unimpressed.

WHAT'S A WEEK WITHOUT SKURT?: New York Legal Eagle Moxie, the man who brought you Porn Anagrams and Take a Porn Star to Work, blogs this week about XPT's favorite Twink, Skurt Lackwood. CLICKY. Moxie compares his feeble assault upon Gram Ponante to a long-ago riot on New York's Astor Place. His investigation into the Kira Kenner lawsuit proceeds apace, as he dives into mountains of affidavits and depositions.

IT'S THE CLIENT, STUPID!: Monstar schools newbies (and some people who should really know better) on the fine art of Public Relations. Lesson No. 1: Put the client's interests before your own.

IMUS? WHO'S IMUS?: Willie D creates XPT's Official Directory of Nappy Headed Hoes. No comment as yet from Al Sharpton's National Action Network.

THE ROSE KNOWS: The exquisite (and newly sober) Mia Rose adds to her extensive collection of photos with some new shots, including one contortionist configuration dubbed by DanG., and hereinafter known as, "The Mia Rose Pose." Outstanding.



LATE BREAKING NEWS: Soopergrizz posts that a Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal. The man was also forced to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to the Goat's Owner.


And That's the Week In Review.

it's nice to have "the week in review" back. good job, raoul.

Nice job! Of course this rekindles my initial suspicion that are Fatman.

LOL. Another ten years and Two Hundred Pounds, maybe. Plus, a Luke-Like conversion to Judaism.

you have got to be kidding me...

and luke has it up making XPT look hella-gay.

Awww, don't be jealous, Soap Suds. If only you'd post something worthwhile, I'd mention you, too.

Quote:

---

Awww, don't be jealous, Soap Suds. If only you'd post something worthwhile, I'd mention you, too.

---

your mad mad... MAD i tell you!!!!

Sorry, HD, I can only work with the material at hand.

What hath wrought this Plague of Faggotry upon XPT!!!???

The Week in Review is Gay. Period. And seeing it on LIB supports this post.

Raoul, excellent work man!! +1

Guess that was Raoul's last 'official' act before Gia finally snapped and pulled the trigger.

[sarcasm]Yeah, it was a startling decision by Gia.[/sarcasm]

the quote of the week by random should have been included...

Quote:

---

Quote:

---

Why, Tod? WHY? WHY? WHY?

---

Tod Hunter gotta eat.

---

now whenever someone asks me something i just say "Tod Hunter gotta eat."

"Paris Owns The Airwaves" Week in Review

FatMan ends hiatus and posts his annoying review from lovely Boynton Beach, FL.
Jack_Schitt labelled racist, cancels his own contract and departs XPT.
World mourns the anniversary of Kurt Lockwood's birth.
Barbie Cummings: "I think a lot about getting railed, 'doggy' style by a big well hung dog."
"If you vote Republican you vote to kill freedom." - The Management
Pornstar Paris in Prison.
GiGi on Donny Long: "He has a weird wee wee."
XPT had its own insider on A-Rod's stripper, and it wasn't Darth.
Jim South says T.T. Boy slapped Derek Hay.
Overheard during lockdown: "What exactly is 'Baloney'?"
Dating a pornstar?? "I have cancer" means "I'm moving back to Utah without you".
XPT Consensus: Rudy Guiliani is a fascist, but he wouldn't bake Luke or Luca.
Man blames "Boost" for his world-record hard-on. GiGi buys case for hubby.
Paris complains jail a tad uncomfortable, so she is sent off to her room.
Ben is a HERPES-RIDDLED WHORE!
Do you hate yourself enough to get a tramp stamp? Might we suggest the JM Productions or JerkOffZone logo.
Mowing lawns is hard work.
BI adds TB to his alphabet of STDs
She ignored obvious clues such as condoms that would have been too small for her partner.
I think it wasn't a money issue. She offered the sheriff the opportunity to make a "private".
The man in the wheelchair had pulled in front of the truck and somehow it became lodged by its handles to the front grille.
13 guys = Blow Bang ..... 50 guys = Bukkake.
Cybernet Expo in Tampa. [yawn]
"Guns, Germs and Steel" is another fascinating book.
FatMan recounts for the 87th time how he got onto XPT looking for his "twins".
Jamie Lynn Sigler can't park a fucking car.
Maybe Paris was released because her herpes has epidemic written all over it.
9/11 happened on August 16, 2002.
The mascara is running the wrong way for her to have just came fresh from a "Max" set.
Paris ordered to return to the cold and damp that dries out her skin. War Crimes Trial in Judge's future.
VTD = Visual Titty Disorder. Bitches who believe their breasts are more attractive after silicone disfiguration.
If she blows it, I will cum.
Darth = Anal Wart
"Mom!! Mom!!! Mom!!!"
Canadian Jews sure know how to party.
The Chronicles of Da Burglar - The Journey Begins!!
Mia Rose is a WINNER!!
Nautica's freakishly long fingers opened the door to a career as a pianist. Sadly, her spelling let her down and she wrote "penist" on her application form.
You know you're a whore when … you scan the list hoping that it hasn't described you.
Guapo returns. Sadly, still suffering from terminal middle class whiteman's ebonics.
Ceara gives BBBJs to outsider-insider.
Donny's head is too small for the rest of his body. It's like Barry Bonds in reverse.
"Mommy, That Isn't Fair!!"
Sasha Grey buys Doctorate on eBay using Sharon Mitchell's credit card.
Dr Kevorkian: PM H2C. He has a list of people you can help.
If you want to be decent to people, kill yourself. That way they don't have waste time listening to your bullshit.
12 yr old baby refuses to grow up.
8 yr old boy cops a feel.
9 yr old girl shuts down 5 Mallhattan strip clubs and opts for a new weave for Beyoncee.
I miss Gen.
Gia was distracted by something shiny.
I read the Fan Requests section and see that I am really not that fucked up after all.
Camera of Death - 1. Ava Rose - 0.






READ YOUR BIBLE!!!!
Nobody is safe from the Righteous Hand of God. - The Book of Steward




Don't confuse XPT with a Pornstar Shrine.
Which Is Here [clicky]




Darth EXCLUSIVE!!
PARIS HILTON PRISON TATT!!!









I Want To Squeeze Holly's Ripe Tomatoes!!









RELAX!! I'm not your boyfriend.

NERRRDS!!

Remember ... at the end of the sequel, he "converts" to nerd-dom.

Again, if being a nerd is the same as being too lazy to read every thread, then pass me a pocket protector.

Nice job FM.

Good work Fatman, glad to see the Week in Review making a comeback!

agreed. glad to have you and the review back!

As requested by Douche_Bagalow .........





Flag Day 2007: An XPT Week in Review


The "bloodborne-pathogen" pattern is the latest trend in whore fashion.
Never lend an Amish-hater your BlockBuster card.
Personally, I don't think there is such a thing as a "good" set of bolt-ons.
Gia's "tied up" with appearances on both sides of Taboo's taboo cameras.
She faces fines, whip lashing or worse for her violation of Iran's morality laws.
Georgia judge voids 10-year sentence in teen consensual sex case.
Pentagon's 'Gay Bomb' explodes over at ADT.
Note to Army: The Spartans were all gay pedophiles, btw.
WetWater makes 1st post after 14 months of lurking silence.
Savannah Stern has new bolt-ons. Stupid whore. Fake tits =
What was wrong with her old tits? They looked fine to me.
Free porn threatens Adult Film Industry. Is this part of the Bush strategy?
You look waaaaay too young to have grandslugs.
"Before any rumors start, I categorically deny doing meth. My hair loss is hereditary." - BI's Post #1000
Dane = Hook Bomberry
My roommate's a woman named Mitch.
Dan T. Mann sleeps with the fishes.
Stevie from Koala TV joins XPT, but shows no fucking.
Islam clerics sanction sex change as the best way of creating willing virgins.
Low Rider is in the FBI Witness Protection Program.
"Girls who work together but pretend to be sisters? That's not OK. That's so not OK."
"You are all very vicious but i really enjoy reading this shit."
SisterFister was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too hardcore for us bitches.
Jamesn has exclusive rights on my sister.
Just try being a pervert for a change.
Max Hardcore opts for the firing squad.
Beheadings are just fuckin' nasty.
PaperChase is an irritating blockhead
Michelle Aston offers to do free scene for free speech.
Bridge Built by Chinese Blind Man Collapses. Mission Accomplished according to American Idiot Continues.
Khomeini sanctioned sex change prior to chopping off his ball and donning a burka.
Shakespeare on XPT: "Kill all the lawyers."
Leaping Lanny Poffo is "Macho Man" Randy Savage's brother.
Don't pinch GiGi's nose while she's gargling cum. She hates that!!
Who is Test99?
XPT posters assume everything posted on the internet was made to jack off to.
She had a good black pimp who used to take all her money to help her stay focused.
Royal Decree: There is no such thing as "too young".
Are those oiled up or is she leaking implant juice?
Entrepreneur Ceara Lynch with "Free Ones"???
Very few whores are deaf. All are dumb.
Salt Lake City:Freedom :: Mecca:Judaism
Will anal cream-pies make your butt bigger?
New strip district in Ohio: Windsock's bloodsoaked car trunk.
How long does it normally take for bolt-ons to drop?
Dolphins are the Golden Retrievers of the Sea.
Paris Hilton's Next Sex Tape: A "Motion" Picture!
Smut & PinUp in dead heat for "Top Mutant" honors.
I call this smile "disdain".
Arizona cousin marriage by Mormons yields Morons.
XPT attempts to vote Smartt back on the Island.
365 + 248 = 613! [Secret Jew Stuff]
"I've been masturbating with myself." - Sunny Lane
Ashlynn cancels chat after Guapo returns.
MaxHardcoreFan finds a stash of dirty mags while dumpster diving!!!
Gia & GG go for the same breasty bony broads.
All I want for x-mas is a flip-flop porno and someone to cut off your leg and mail it to you.
FGFM should have had a V8®.
Rollin Girl is a Gemini.
Holly Randall accuses Briana Banks of eating too many cupcakes.
Veiny women make Loop hunger.
How about when you bend down to play with your tomatoes?
Gia Jordan has zombie hands & feet.
More than 10 XPTers claim to have intimate knowledge of FatMan's penis.
God is some john from Cincinnati.
Tony sends SisterFister to Phlog for some special lab work.
Pornlaw feels up new bolt-ons at the bank for his birthday.
Sandra's last scene will be quadruple penetration.
More Girls + Less Men = A Good Scene.
Your mother knows Sierra Sinn's a tweaker.
"Bread so good, there must be heroin baked in!"


You know you're a whore when …
… you see your mom in a MILF scene and wish it was you instead.
… you pool your money together every year just to hang out with degenerate pornographers in Vegas.
… you date XPT's Dick Head.


Any copied images found will be prosecuted to the full extent by the law.


MallHattan History Moment:
June 12, 1665, England installed a municipal government in New York, formerly the Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam.


Chick fights from pre-history!! <clicky>


<END Da Burglar Jerk off Transmission>


<START Mia Rose Picture Thread>

Fatman rules, period.

XPT Week #4510563344563318 in review:


nfscheats: I will lose my job if that card number is even attempted to be run in another state.
nfscheats: What can I offer you to remove it?
Ceara Lynch: $50
nfscheats: What??
nfscheats: I thought you would say like don't message me again or something.


Jew-Lover Progignere is a World War I deny-er with two daddies.
Gigi made her oral debut in NaughtyAmerica's unreleased "My Friend's Hot Under-Aged Sister".
Arab Muslims insist African Muslims can only blow up the back of the bus.
U.S. intervention in 1862 saves the British and French at the Dagu forts in China.
Influx of under-aged porn fans guaranteed by the introduction of the "Restricted to Adult" Label.
Monica Sweetheart is one Czech that is accepted everywhere.


nfscheats: Let's just forget this transaction happened. You refund it, and we are friends again.
Ceara Lynch: I was never your friend, dude.


Coochie Monster drops by to give himself justification for choking his dick off.
Even Conky's morphing of the Camera of Death can do nothing to ebb the inexorable growth of Sunny's butt.
Max Rhino adopts "The Church Tranny" as his avatar.
We learned that someone named Stephanie Draheim is covered in bad tattoos.
Jamesn is so babefest.
The Endangered Species Lake Erie Watersnakes are not poisonous.
Gigi's son dressed up as Max Hardcore for Halloween. Or something.
Mad. Strange. Esoteric. No one's like Loopnode. No one.


"My daughter is Holly Randall, and she's after my job."
"Yeesh, I might as well just had 'meth head' stamped on my forehead."
"Oh, sweetie. Wrong purse. Those were Xanex."
"When did you lose your balls, Bill?"
"I am shaking right now because I hate horses so much!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I'm rubbing my hands together and laughing cruelly right now."
"Anymore unsolicited/unnecisary [sic] lawyerspeak will be considered spam. Of course, this does not apply to me."


nfscheats: Do you want to at least want to watch me jerk off?
Ceara Lynch: HAHAHHAHAHA
nfscheats: While I pretend my cock is inside your little 20 year old pussy.
Ceara Lynch: 4510563344563318
nfscheats: OMG
nfscheats: Not this again.
nfscheats: I was just getting in the mood!!!! GOD DAMNIT


Holly: Sometimes I step back and realize how weird that must sound to other people, but for me it's totally normal. It makes perfect sense for me to be watching porn with my Dad, or to talk to my Mom over whether a woman was faking her orgasms or not.


Conky authors the definitive text on the field of Suitcase Pimpdom.
Roxy Jezel espechailly loves Max.
Allie Sin started her Florida porn career as a ward of the state of Michigan.
Miss Holly asks her fans to remember to brush their teeth & tongue.
There's a series called "Crack Addicts" that always makes Ceara giggle.
"Tee Hee" - Ceara
IMPORTANT: Masturbate BEFORE you leave the house.
Sierra Sinn hangs up her Blockbuster card and calls it a career.
My memory fades into the lonely, piss-soaked abyss of forgotten whores.


"I don't care about disease and so forth, I want to be a prostitute! PS, What about you?"
"I began experimenting with my diet in order to produce "digestible" cum for my girlfriend."
"Signs indicate that he doesn't take the cock."
"Looking as dazed and confused as Taylor Rain at a math test."
"I'd like to pluck off Nancy Grace's limbs one by one, laughing at her while she cries."


nfscheats: What did I do to deserve this treatment?
Ceara Lynch: Thinking with your dick.


LA/FAME awards more LAME than expected. Tera Patrick?!?!?!?
Have2CIt continues in his role as XPT's well-spring of compassion.
Da Burglar celebrates his 101st [sexagesimal] post in pictures.
I got to use the word sexagesimal in context on a porn board!!
If you show a horny Harvard-loving housewife shiny brand-new cookie sheets, she may pee and call it squirt.
Did You Know: The ancestors of the people who wrote the Kama Sutra ban sex toys.
A struggling sinner forms a bond with a fellow "Hector the Donkey" enthusiast.
Bornyo will view your clips after he gets his broadband back.
Fuck the Christians.


Ceara Lynch: Wow, did I make you cry and everything?
nfscheats: Close enough to it.
nfscheats: In words.
Ceara Lynch: Too funny.


"Say it without Graemlins, you Gallic Goufus!!!"
"I'm not an attention-whore or on tweak, so who knows."
"Whores who do drugs 24/7 all eventually melt down. It's what they do."


"I'm trying to say your wife doesn't like having sex with you. I'd make more subtle jokes about it, but you seem too thick-headed to get it."



Yes, Mr. Bush, this All-American sweetheart is a pornographer.



"I like the hardcore balls slapping against the ass kind of stuff, you know." - The Lady in Red


If you missed the Randalls in "The Secret Lives of Women" on the We network, it re-airs tomorrow 6/26 at 11PM and again at 3AM that evening.

Hear Suze query:
"Are you hot for anal, darling?"




"The future is here. And, it's not an iPhone. It's a big-ass table.
TAKE THAT APPLE!!"





4510563344563318!!

The Month of October ... XPT in Review ...


CAL-OSHA visits porn set as the 1st step in transferring another American industry abroad.
Jeff Steward refused to testify against Jeff Steward so all charges against Jeff Steward are dropped to the delight of Jeff Steward.
Who would have thought Gia would turn into a "Cap't Save-A-Ho"?!?
Sergio hits the World Series on the nose: Rockies in 5!!!
Danielle Derek has enough spare parts to create 20 armored tanks.
Has anyone taken the pills Luke was offering??
A sanctimonious man using the ID "Queerbot" on XXXPornTalk has been fingered as a source of illegal child pornography.
Someone in Kansas City stole DaBurglar's identity.
He was caught when he completed two consecutive sentences without a reference to Holly Randall.

Post changed by WillieD

Sasha Grey: "I don't have any female performer favorites."
"Sasha Grey: "Belladonna!! She would have to be one of my favorites!"
Conky reaches Porn Jesus status making every post count.
Ceara is the little girl at the bottom with the broken leg and Girlvert shirt.
The Netherlands bans shrooms.
Two Houston 8th graders bring a new twist to sex education.
Jamesn sad. Nago reaches another birthday.
Fuck with Holly on XPT and get trampled.
Tatum Reed: A Pop-In for PopWhore.
Since Windsock hasn't been around I assume someone took him up on his "rape & kill me for $1" offer.
Sounds to me like GUAPO is begging for another Chasey Lain comeback.
Kate McCann blamed for losing her child due to her small tits. I worry about Leah Luv and Sierra.
DownWithFags has an affinity for children.
Porn defends its own: Pass the hat for Surewood Defense Fund. No money raised for dead 5 year old.
Rob Longshot returns. Rob Longshot is more irritating than ever. Rob Longshot leaves.
If Holly were into girls she would have rubbed one out to a Gia Jordan/Casey Parker 3-way.
Bornyo goes unpunished for his post of orange man pubes.
TheVODGuy celebrates a year of XPT.
I wish I had an uncle like DaBurglar when I was young.

Post edited by Windsock


Palace Mobile Home Park caters to that special pedophile way of life.
Insane daddy microwaves baby. Kurt Lockwood takes notes.
Hottest Chicks Who Aren't That Hot: Chloe Sevigny & Lauren Ambrose
Idiots & the Insane to officially get the vote in New Jersey.
When posting don't spoil the look of the page. Gia hates that.
Sadly, Wankus still LIVES!
Holly Randall throws like a girl.
There's a huge market for body parts in Russia: eyeballs, limbs, lungs, etc.
Mormons can make Scientologists look "normal".
Piglets will eat asian pussy if it's covered in honey.
Eli Thomas probably has herpes. Call him directly if you need to confirm: 954-557-2181
Rare Ball State victory. 4 Ball State bitches beat Ivy Tech student bloody.
Doron needs whites dudes to get blown by black whores.
Bishop runs away after FatMan exposes him for his repressed, latent gaiety.
We recall a parable about Esau the Hairy Palmed, whose clumsiness and inability around women was legend.


Post deleted by K1ng


I dream of Holly Greenbeans & Rainbow Brite ….
Soopergrizz will never get his copy of Chloroform Rape.
Skirt Lackwood abandons his pregnant girlfriend in Spain. I guess she wasn't able to ass pound him as hard since she started to "show".
Visions of Mia & Ava Rose "haunt" me through "Heaven & Hell".
Portents of the end of JM Productions as we've known it: Brandon Iron welcomed to the family.
Denver Don lives his last hours as Britney Madison.
Lame or Cool comes and goes.
Global warming is hurting the Pot industry.
Wankus & Mary Carey: What Illegal Drugs have joined together, let no Re-Hab put asunder.
Jersey Jaxin takes down XPT with her internet terrorist spells.
DaBurglar pines for a wife next door.


Post updated by an attack bot

It's alright if she ends up with a girlfriend tonight!!
The two girls are famous scat whores in Brasil called Latifa and Karla. Loop's not sure why he know this.
DV is the kid that sat up front and said "Teacher you forgot to collect our homework!"
If you play Hailey Page's orgasms backwards ... she whispers "Chico killed me" CLEAR AS DAY!
Zen is banned from LIB for Life.
FagWithDownsGuy!! [thank you Gia Jordan].
GUAPO relative fired for his "Ghetto Handbook".
XPT Fantasy League seems to be heading the way of the XFL.
Loopnode is keeping up with his high school friends. I guess they'll go to LUNCH.
For something to be fun it has to be at least $8.00.
Nick Manning reveals that he has banged Betsey Johnson and was paid in clothes.
I would report that Mon* is going to be a daddy but he wants his private life to stay private.
ET's sister does a porno. Ryan Knox is on her "No" list.
Luke Ford sells site to Bizarro Luke.
Who would think that the Evil Parallel Universe Luke would be a chubby Midwestern Irish redhead with a ban button?

Post aroused by Ceara

Will our wishes for Quisling Anita Cannibal to get "real cancer" to end her run at "fake law school" be for naught?
As far as we know, no porn whore has filed a "casting couch" related sex-harassment suit.
Pierre Woodman: A French Genius
Chico Wang's family money comes in handy!!! Hailey Page's cause of death listed as "Undetermined"!
Katsuni owes Katsumi lots of cash.
$22.57 not worth a dollar in MI, KY, OH & TN: 6th Circuit finds 2257 regulations interfere with free speech.
Falwell's wish that California burn in Hell almost comes true.
Albus Dumbledore is gay. I had no idea he was a GOP official.
Mia Rose is too smart to buy a Miata.
Pornlaw offers Pornwhores Health Insurance. Valtrex, NO-COPAY!!
Ginger Lynn: Simply the Best!
Casey Parker used to be Casey Porker who used to be Wesley Flores who used to be ….
Fluff would prefer the board be at least 70% Fat-Free.
Whores in Bolivia sew their lips in protest.
Argentine whores speak two arrogant languages.
We all learned the ins and outs of a Panzer E-Train.
Risi Simms exit interview was more interesting than her entire porn career.
Lea De Mae is still dead.



Now You Know!:
Robbye's feet smell worse than her pussy.
Steve K is an obese slob who pays for Robbye wannabe's to blow him.
See that Norman THING that Robbye & Jackie was/is married to? Money matters.
Jackie & Norman have a restraining order against Robbye.
Robbye has a restraining order against Steve.
Steve K was in possession of many guns at the time he went to Disneyland.
This all seems to have led to Robbye getting a job with Norman, again.



Whore of the month: Veronica fucking Jett. Keep it up, you slut!!!
Poster of the month: Soopergrizz, for getting VJ to post a thread of pics … under his name, yet!!!
Newbie of the month: Alex Panzer … even though I hate him.
"Threads" of the Month: Robbye/Trinity vs. Holly and Steve K and Norman's new wife and K1ng and El G and FatMan and …
Post of the Month: JustMe: I really do have a restraining order against you, Robbye, and it is in effect until 4/18/2009. Case number BD422337.




Pic of the month:

Fatman, glad to see this back and hope you use this as an opportunity to stay out of post-frenzy trouble elsewhere in XPT.