#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum

Bumping because I just remembered another one: Keep the shoes on! Real Porn Stars Fuck In Their High Heels.

It makes their legs look better, and it just gives a wonderfully trashy edge to the whole scene to see the bitch nude except for a set of 5" stripper heels. Bonus points if there is wear and tear on them which makes it obvious she wears them on stage.

Not a foot/shoe fetish thing at all, more a leg thing and a preference for the talent to look as whorish as possible. (although the Girl-Next-Door trying to wear heels that she can't walk in is also hot.)

41. No one wants to see the whore get fucked. We all want to see the girl next doorbeing made into the whore.

i.e. Obnoxious bitches like Tory Lane yelling loudly about what a whore they are is not sexy at all and has no stroke value. Because they don't mean it, its empty and hollow, I cite the first LOP. But, a fresh young GND reluctantly admiting that they are a whore when prompted is always sexy, epsecially with that glazed, dazed, looking into the abyss that has become their lives and seeing themselves for who they truly are with no fronts or delusions look in their eyes, while that cock is pounding in their asses, that moment of realiziation for themselves that yes, "I am a whore, I really am, oh my god, someone please give me a bump to put this nightmare to bed again".

But that sweet escape is only temporary, and its only a matter of time until sobriety hits them in a moment of self realization. Its the not knowing that drives them crazy and into the depths of insanity, not knowing when that moment will be coming again, it could hit at any time, goddamn the waiting is killing me, someone please make it stop, save me before I am forced to save myself the only way I know how to truly make it stop.

I love that shit.


Basically the deer in the headlights girls, Max is great at finding them, exposing them, and capturing them on video for us all to enjoy. God bless us, everyone.

FXV


-The Punch

If her hand is on it, it's a hand job.

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy

I love the moments of realization, but they are few and far between. Even the freshest-off-the-bus porn "star" will rarely break down on-camera, or have her breakdown make the final edit.

And there is something to be said for the over-the-top porn whore acting crazy. Porntube has a great clip of Tory Lane BTS. Some poor flunky is painting her face with faux cum to simulate the money shot. It all seems to be on her face, but she freaks out anyway, screeching that it is in her hair and that "this isn't how it should be!!" before storming off.

I'm no fan of Debbi Diamond (at least after seeing her schtick for the fifth or sixth time), but there is something to be said for the overacting, overcompensating whore trying to hide their inner shame. And I still love the "nude, except for her 5" heels" look.

No cum dodging allowed.
No jerking away, no shirking of duty to accept each and every drop.
Eyes/mouth must be kept open until the very end.

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
#41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (Gucci handbag, penicillin, etc.)

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
#41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29)
#42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (see Eva Angelina)

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
#41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29)
#42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (see Eva Angelina)
#43: whores can't do porn forever; sometimes you have to grow up and move on

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
#41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29)
#42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (see Eva Angelina)
#43: whores can't do porn forever; sometimes you have to grow up and move on
#44: when a whore holds off anal for too long, no one cares

#45: If you are shot out and get breast implants, you are still shot out.

46: Snorting cum kills brain cells.

TIMMEEEEE!!! Yes, it probably does so stop now before it's too late.



There are other things to snort, don't do them either unless you're a porn whore...

Rule: Never talk about your kids on your porn site. A real wood killer. From Leah Luv's site.
THIS YEAR…
01/17/2007 09:12 PM
Is very promising for me. In 2 months my kid turns 4. Yay. Hes getting soo big. Last year we went to Disneyland and he was just tall enough, so we rode the Matterhorn (is that how its spelled?) at least 4 times. He had a blast. This year he’s even bigger so its on [...]

Cum on the face, good. Cum in the hair, better, especially if the whore shows her surprised disgust at this degradation.

Never talk about your kids on your porn site. A real wood killer.

No issue for me. How do you think we get a MILF? No brats, no MILFs. My favorite was the bts interview of Krista Lynn Lovely where she describes how she managed to get pregnant TWICE before the age of 21 - first at 15!

Krista Lynn Lovely on 1st pregnancy: WHOOOOPS!!
Krista Lynn Lovely on 2nd pregnancy with diff father: WHOOOOPS, Again!!




Cum on the face, good. Cum in the hair, better, especially if the whore shows her surprised disgust at this degradation.

Not sufficiently different from, and not as well-written or arousing as, my favorite of the rules:

RULE #26: The more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time!!

I just LOVE that "whimper" & "rewind time"!!

Already covered by my rule #26

Quote:

---

#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time

---

#1-#44: see above
#45: if you are shot out and get breast implants, you are still shot out
#46: never talk about your kids on your porn site; a real wood killer

Slowly closing in on 50...

Move to add two new laws.

-The more ridiculously out of place a whore looks in hot pants and clear heels, the better. A whore dressed as a high school cheerleader has less stroke value than a cheerleader dressed as a whore.

-All porn whores escort. You can't be a little bit pregnant or a little bit of a whore.

This may be covered if you put ALL of the following together, but seems sufficiently distinct to warrant a separate rule. Besides, it's pretty damn obvious.

#25: every whore has a price
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”

#1-#47: see above
#48: during anal sex, the phrase “fuck the shit out of me” (or variations thereon) shouldn’t be uttered
#49: the more ridiculously out of place a whore looks in how she's dressed (e.g. hot pants, clear heels, etc.), the better

#50. Dairy products at room temperature aren't sexy.

#51 Skurt Lackwood is a tool.

I've withheld comment in this thread because it occurs to me that God got his point across with only Ten Commandments.

He left a lot out, though. And allegedly he added at least one on edit.

And Jamesn told me God previewed the 10 Commandments, too. Jamesn hates that.

How about this one -

No matter how disconcerting it really is, porn chicks will keep yowling, howling, or making noises like retards on Jell-O Day at the hospital... because they think it's "sexy."

Wiping your ass with the Bill of Rights is obscene.

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy

Jerkules thought this thread needs to be bumped. I agree. This list needs to be amended. "Whores lie is a great way to kick off a listicle. But "anal flowers are not sexy" needs to occupy the second spot.

I think Gunker did a more recent version of the list w/ about 50 items on it. Around the time Gunker's Girl popped in here for a while.