Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort

Posted by: Smelly Monkey

Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/30/05 06:27 AM

I feel bad for the kid and he isn't even born yet. He is coming into a no win situation, there is no chance for him at all. I figured theres a 30% shot if teagan managed to get knocked up by some stock broker type who understands the responsibility of having a kid but its been confirmed that its with someone you expect to see on a campus invasion video, in fact id go as far as saying the kid wished it was someone on the campus invasion video, the guy makes fayner look like the face of responsibility.


Teagan finds this winner to be the first of many daddy's to her children, hi im typical frat boy and im 18 months away from having scorpio like hair plugs, but you can call me dad.



Yeah so im having a baby, looking for a career or trying to get some sort of stable living arrangement before it arrives would make a ton of sense, but you see i like to escape reality a lot because it helps get my mind of the fact my father used to get me to dance in my mothers lingerie in front of his friends as a small boy for entertainment and that i was known as the neighborhood vacuum cleaner to all of the elderly business men.



Im so glad that i can now put that my baby's mother is the ass that has housed over 100 dicks on par with i look like a fat hobbit from lord of the rings.
Posted by: zenman

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/30/05 08:09 AM

Wow, he's cool.
Posted by: have2cit

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/30/05 08:25 AM

I wouldn't let that guy park my car.
Posted by: Cleetus VanDamme

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/30/05 08:54 AM

Teagan's pregnant?
Posted by: 2cums

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/30/05 10:40 AM

HOLY SHIT ! Watch dude scored.

Today I am going to pick out a Timex and show my undenying love for Haley
Posted by: Da Burglar

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/30/05 07:01 PM

For some reason, this guy's appearance just shouts in my head ...."West Virginia Hell YEAH!" ....



Also, is it just me or does teagan resemble a 19 yr old Liza Minelli with a long blond wig on??/
Posted by: Smelly Monkey

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/30/05 09:48 PM

Quote:

For some reason, this guy's appearance just shouts in my head ...."West Virginia Hell YEAH!"





Teagans family disowned her after she went into porn, i feel bad for the girl, having said that i still laugh whenever someone mentions that she fucked mr pete.
Posted by: Random

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/30/05 10:11 PM

I could kill this guy with my barehands just for those sideburns.
Posted by: c62

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/30/05 11:04 PM

I wonder what this retard is going to do for a living. The exciting career of loading UPS trucks... or the equally rewarding career of unloading UPS trucks. Time will tell.
Posted by: Smelly Monkey

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 05/31/05 08:13 AM

Quote:

I wonder what this retard is going to do for a living. The exciting career of loading UPS trucks... or the equally rewarding career of unloading UPS trucks. Time will tell.




Nice. I love this board now. Most of the weak links have been eaten or pushed out and now it appears that im the weakest link, we need garifled back and fast.
Posted by: Maldini

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 06/06/05 10:40 PM

Posted by: DuckHunt

Wow. - 09/27/06 03:05 PM

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=10961099


New rooster in the hen house?

Posted by: k1ng

Re: Wow. - 09/27/06 04:08 PM

Teagan's old beau probably got tired of being mistaken for her son in public now that she looks 45.
Posted by: Richard Hungwell

Re: Wow. - 09/27/06 07:38 PM

Thats the fuckin Honkey-Tonk Man,,,,,,,Fuckin eh....!!
Posted by: GARFIELD

Re: Wow. - 09/27/06 08:36 PM

Ehh...that whore still looks hot
Posted by: BIFF™

Re: Wow. - 09/27/06 09:57 PM

Quote:

Ehh...that whore still looks hot



Hey, how's it goin' my favorite steroid abuser?
Posted by: GARFIELD

Re: Wow. - 09/28/06 07:29 PM

fine dickbag
Posted by: Jeff Steward

Re: Wow. - 09/29/06 09:43 AM

Quote:

Teagan's old beau probably got tired of being mistaken for her son in public now that she looks 45.



Quote of the week.
Posted by: Smelly Monkey

Re: Wow. - 09/29/06 05:47 PM

Quote:

Quote:

Ehh...that whore still looks hot



Hey, how's it goin' my favorite steroid abuser?



garfield is a sexy bitch.

Quote:

fine dickbag




, hey john, whats crackin?.
Posted by: zenman

Re: Wow. - 09/29/06 11:40 PM



Posted by: Smelly Monkey

Re: Wow. - 09/30/06 12:32 AM

Quote:







She has her fathers dead meth eyes and shes already reading at her mothers level but what i found strangest about the picture was looking out the window, where does teagan live now? army barracks?, detention center?.
Posted by: Soopergrizz

Re: Wow. - 10/01/06 01:16 PM

Quote:







Considering that on the most basic level, the "job" of a porn actress is to make you want to fantasize about fucking her, how does this shot strengthen the Teagan "brand"?
Posted by: zenman

Re: Wow. - 10/01/06 04:59 PM

Anybody taking bets on how many more weeks until Daddy flies the coup, a la Binaca Pureheart?
Posted by: sexycity

Re: Wow. - 10/01/06 11:05 PM

It looks like she lives in a nice house. In Southern CA, an average house is $500,000.
Posted by: Cum Stains

Re: Wow. - 10/01/06 11:19 PM

Quote:

It looks like she lives in a nice house. In Southern CA, an average house is $500,000.



Quit idolizing porn whores!!!! The sliding glass doors and verticle blinds are characteristic of any ok rented house in California. It's not even up to cheeseball McMansion par.
Posted by: DuckHunt

Re: Wow. - 10/02/06 12:27 AM

Quote:

It looks like she lives in a nice house. In Southern CA, an average house is $500,000.



You based that on a window and a shelf in a picture that may not even be her house? You just throw some random shit out there...
Posted by: Smelly Monkey

Re: Wow. - 10/02/06 08:39 AM

Quote:

It looks like she lives in a nice house. In Southern CA, an average house is $500,000.




Teagan was homeless just before she gave birth, the on'y way shes living in a house worth half a milly is if she gets knocked up by a baller or marries a lonely porn director who lives in a big house in the hills and does drugs by himself all the times.
Posted by: Grant_Michaels

Re: Wow. - 10/02/06 10:29 PM

Quote:






Can someone please kindly photoshop a Teagan movie cover onto the book that her baby is chewing on?

Perhaps the one where Reno is railing on her while she has the orange gag-ball in her mouth?

That would be CLASSIC! Thanks!
Posted by: Ivor Biggun

Re: Wow. - 10/03/06 03:26 AM

Quote:

Can someone please kindly photoshop a Teagan movie cover onto the book that her baby is chewing on?



Posted by: Soopergrizz

Re: Wow. - 10/03/06 09:27 AM

Quote:







Genius.
Posted by: El Kabong

Re: Wow. - 10/03/06 10:31 AM

Ha Ha!
Where's Maged?
Posted by: Y-T

Re: Wow. - 10/03/06 11:41 AM

Quote:

Quote:

Can someone please kindly photoshop a Teagan movie cover onto the book that her baby is chewing on?







Moments like this are the reason I love this forum. Thank you sir.
Posted by: Monstar

Re: Wow. - 10/03/06 12:20 PM

dood....that's bad!
Posted by: Ivor Biggun

Re: Wow. - 10/03/06 12:52 PM

Quote:

dood....that's bad!



If I 'shop out the window, and put a TV screen showing the movie there, do you think I'll go to hell?
Posted by: jamesn

Re: Wow. - 10/03/06 01:27 PM

no, but i'll laugh very hard.
Posted by: Willie D

Re: Wow. - 10/04/06 02:47 PM

For future reference:

http://www.xxxporntalk.com//ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=dvdtalk&Number=123163&Forum=All_Forums&Words=wankus%20lawyer&Match=And&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Old=allposts&Main=123145&Search=true#Post123163
Posted by: Ivor Biggun

Re: Wow. - 10/04/06 08:04 PM

An artists impression of porn whore parenting:

Posted by: Smelly Monkey

Re: Wow. - 10/05/06 12:16 AM

Word on the street is Teagan has seen these new altered pictures and is far from happy about it, she considered getting the police involved and then tyler.
Posted by: Ivor Biggun

Re: Wow. - 10/05/06 01:43 AM

Quote:

Word on the street is Teagan has seen these new altered pictures and is far from happy about it, she considered getting the police involved and then tyler.



OK, about the only legal leg she has to stand on is her copyright on the original photo - she could serve a DMCA notice on Jeff to get him to take it down. I don't see how she'd have any grounds with regard to the photoshopping, as it was clearly in a satirical context and not being passed off as real (and it wasn't psuedo kiddie porn, just pseudo bad parenting.)

But regardless, if she's really that upset about it, I have no grudge against her and I'll give a mom some lattitude. The jokes been had, there's no need to labor the point, so I've taken them down. Maybe she'll learn her lesson about why porn performers should keep their family life separate from their porn identity.
Posted by: Willie D

Re: Wow. - 10/05/06 09:12 AM

That second paragraph should be cut and pasted all over MySpace, XPeeps and whereever else these whores want to show the world what great mommies they are (coincidentally, why do no stunt cocks ever show the babies their putrid sperm have produced?).

1. You're a porn whore.
2. No one cares about your baby, except to the extent that the repeated penisflogging of your birth canal probably made the delivery a little less painful.
3. While it's "nice" that you are proud of your offspring, sharing this fact with the porn-watching degenerate public only dercreases your stroke value. This in turn reduces the chance that your videos will be purchased, which in turn will reduce the liklihood you will get booked, which increases the chance of AFDC for baby Teagen.

You are registered at XPT. Log in and respond if you want.
Posted by: Ivor Biggun

Re: Wow. - 10/05/06 04:40 PM

Quote:

That second paragraph should be cut and pasted all over MySpace, XPeeps and whereever else these whores want to show the world what great mommies they are



Yep, she certainly asked for it - Teagan's Myspace profile, a deliciously inappropriate mixture of whore poses interspersed with baby pics.

To preserve historical integrity for those who come late to the thread, here's a censored version of the image - I've completely blanked them out, so there's no reason for her to get uppity about this one:



Can someone fill me in on what's actually been said back-channel? I've had no communication about it other than what's in this thread.
Posted by: It Was Fun

Re: Wow. - 10/05/06 04:58 PM

Quote:

Yep, she certainly asked for it - Teagan's Myspace profile, a deliciously inappropriate mixture of whore poses interspersed with baby pics.



Bianca Pureheart has been doing the samething. She used to also promote her website on her page as well with all the baby pictures even though it wasn't actually a site anymore because she failed to pay for the hosting. I've tried explaining to her that it's not a good idea esp. for living in the bible belt but dumb people have to learn the hard way.
Posted by: Smelly Monkey

Re: Wow. - 10/05/06 10:50 PM

Well its begun, we have angered her fanboys, a pm I recieved.


From: Fruswife


I see that you are a moderator of The Monkey Cage and noticed a offensive and disturbing thread about Teagan Presley and her daughter. I believe that as a moderator its your duty to make sure posts like these are handled correctly to protect the innocent. I'm a close friend of Teagan's and was the one who stopped her from calling the police. I thought that it would be best if we managed to sort this out ourselves. Don't make me be the bad guy, just do what is right and remove the thread please.


Sincerely Robert







hey robert, you can have my answer here.


FUCK YOU FANBOY






Posted by: Ivor Biggun

Re: Wow. - 10/06/06 12:16 AM

Quote:

Well its begun, we have angered her fanboys, a pm I recieved.


From: Fruswife


I see that you are a moderator of The Monkey Cage and noticed a offensive and disturbing thread about Teagan Presley and her daughter. I believe that as a moderator its your duty to make sure posts like these are handled correctly to protect the innocent. I'm a close friend of Teagan's and was the one who stopped her from calling the police. I thought that it would be best if we managed to sort this out ourselves. Don't make me be the bad guy, just do what is right and remove the thread please.


Sincerely Robert







hey robert, you can have my answer here.


FUCK YOU FANBOY










OK, I pulled the original images for two reasons. Firstly, to preempt the inevitable playing of the copyright/DMCA card, and secondly because (although I still think the joke was funny as hell) my conscience has a soft spot for protective mothers. On reflection, I can understand her not wanting images like that in circulation. I reposted the censored pic purely to dispel any false impression people might get of what was actually in it.

However, if she's going to meltdown over this and enlist her fanboys to issue threats by proxy, my sympathy diminishes. With both of them blanked out of the image, I see no justification for further complaint. If anything, she should be the one now reflecting on the wisdom of openly exposing her family to the masses of porn-viewing degenerates. She needs hitting with the clue-bat. A humble suggestion: Does anyone have any non copyright-incumbered images of her (minus kid) that they can contribute with suggestions on how they might be suitably modified? I had fun with my newly-aquired photoshop skills and I know there are other talented 'shoppers here. Perhaps some sort of contest?
Posted by: Willie D

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 06/01/07 09:24 AM

Did anyone bother to get the kid a savings bond for it's second birthday? It will double TP's porn income.
Posted by: RenfieldGyps

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 06/01/07 10:21 AM

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=10961099&albumID=592467&imageID=9415447
Her parents are proud.

Oh lord, he got a king ring?
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=10961099&albumID=592467&imageID=9591482
Posted by: Moxie

Re: Wow. - 06/01/07 10:34 AM

Did she really go all K-Fed and have two babies with two different Baby Daddies? No, those kids aren't going into porn at all.
Posted by: Conky

Re: Wow. - 06/01/07 01:44 PM

Truly a great thread. I remember checking it one day and crying with laughter and then the images were all fucked the next time I checked. I should've saved them.
Posted by: Uomo Grassissimo!!

Re: Wow. - 06/01/07 05:09 PM

I find your lack of foresight obscene.
Posted by: Jizz-Tastic

Any More Edited Pics? - 06/02/07 06:48 AM

Bump
Anyone wanna put up some more photoshoped pics?

Does anyone know what Teagan actually said about the last pic? did she put anything up on her myspace about it?
Posted by: zenman

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/02/07 09:29 AM

Baby Daddy looks like a stock character from any Martin Scorcese movie.

Posted by: Willie D

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/02/07 09:31 AM

Quote:

Does anyone know what Teagan actually said about the last pic? did she put anything up on her myspace about it?


She claimed it was child pornography. Actually, she's too stupid to figure out how to call up and say that, so she had Jenna Presley do it for her.

Durrr...phonebook!
Posted by: Jizz-Tastic

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/02/07 12:49 PM

childpornography?- she needs a phonebook AND a dictionary (to figure out what words mean)!
Lookin at her pics I guess she got married the new school way- with the baby at the wedding.

Does anyone know if she reads these forums?

Posted by: Uomo Grassissimo!!

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/02/07 02:28 PM

Teagan is like most of my porn favorites:

Very cute girl with a brain the size of a marble -- and with 95% of that inert matter.

[Rambling "lawyer letters" may be sent to my email].
Posted by: the unknown pervert

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/02/07 08:32 PM

Quote:

Baby Daddy looks like a stock character from any Martin Scorcese movie.





I don't see any pool of blood or a baseball bat sticking out of his ear.
Posted by: fuckwhore

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/02/07 08:38 PM

She looks like Miss Piggy.
Posted by: Jizz-Tastic

Re: Wow. - 06/03/07 06:59 AM




Teagan was homeless just before she gave birth, the on'y way shes living in a house worth half a milly is if she gets knocked up by a baller or marries a lonely porn director who lives in a big house in the hills and does drugs by himself all the times.



How do you know she was homeless before givin birth? Where was the farther at the time? any more info on this?
Posted by: Ivor Biggun

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 08:39 AM

Quote:

Baby Daddy looks like a stock character from any Martin Scorcese movie.





Where's his left hand?
Posted by: zenman

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 09:22 AM

Mom is a blonde, dad has brown hair, and the kid is a redhead. WTF?
Posted by: windsock

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 09:40 AM

Quote:

Baby Daddy looks like a stock character from any Martin Scorcese movie.





Kind of looks like a young but more robust John Hurt to me.

Posted by: Gigi

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 09:45 AM

Quote:

Quote:

Baby Daddy looks like a stock character from any Martin Scorcese movie.





Kind of looks like a young but more robust John Hurt to me.



i think he looks like drew lachey. the fact that i know who "drew lachey" is probably doesn't speak very highly of me...
Posted by: Moxie

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 09:51 AM

Quote:

Mom is a blonde, dad has brown hair, and the kid is a redhead. WTF?



Zen, I don't think thats his kid. Father of baby #1 is this guy named Ryan.



Father of baby # 2 goes by Tyler Durden. Two babies within two years with two different daddies. They don't look like the same person to me.



Posted by: Dick Dastardly

Re: Wow. - 06/03/07 10:27 AM

Quote:

Quote:

Can someone please kindly photoshop a Teagan movie cover onto the book that her baby is chewing on?







OK, so this begs the question, does anyone (possibly the originator) of this pic have a copy so I can see this. I'm saddened by this display of photographic trickery that is PIC REMOVED.
Posted by: jamesn

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 01:50 PM

"i think he's fingering that child"
Quote:

Quote:

Baby Daddy looks like a stock character from any Martin Scorcese movie.





Where's his left hand?

then simp goes ballistic at me, good times
Posted by: Ivor Biggun

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 02:36 PM

Quote:

"i think he's fingering that child"then simp goes ballistic at me, good times




I just noticed how his jeans extend suspiciously forward of his abdomen.
Posted by: Conky

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 02:38 PM

The longer I stare at that image, the more empathy I feel for Jamesn.

Mind bleach, please!
Posted by: Uomo Grassissimo!!

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 02:41 PM

Quote:

Mom is a blonde, dad has brown hair, and the kid is a redhead. WTF?



And the kid's nose is NOTHING like either mom's or "dad's"!?!

DNA confirmation required!!
Posted by: Conky

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 03:12 PM

Quote:

Quote:

Mom is a blonde, dad has brown hair, and the kid is a redhead. WTF?



And the kid's nose is NOTHING like either mom's or "dad's"!?!

DNA confirmation required!!



Personally I'm more concerned about that recessive redhead gene she appears to have. Windsock, have you been a-visiting Teagan with a mixture of Cherry's DNA on you again?
Posted by: Dick Dastardly

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 06/03/07 10:45 PM

Quote:

DNA confirmation required!!



Certainly fatman, do you prefer to spit or swallow?
Posted by: Jizz-Tastic

Teagan as a mom - 06/04/07 03:33 PM

Everyone on the foums keeps sayin how much Teagan is a crack-head mom.
I have to ask

1)Is she really on drugs-does she really do blow?
2) Is she really that stupid? (not all pornstars are that stupid, e.g. jen jamesson)
3)The farther of her new kid looks like an ex-con, who is he?
Posted by: Willie D

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 12/19/07 06:48 PM

+1
Posted by: frankie

Re: Any More Edited Pics? - 12/19/07 09:55 PM

jennajameson isnt stupid?are you sure about that?i think shes a moron and hate that shes the poster child for porn.
Posted by: LouCypher

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 03/07/14 09:46 PM

Originally Posted By: jamesn
"i think he's fingering that child"
Quote:
Quote:
Baby Daddy looks like a stock character from any Martin Scorcese movie.



Where's his left hand?
then simp goes ballistic at me, good times


fingerblast from the past....
Posted by: Uni

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 03/22/14 12:35 AM

For a druggie still looks pretty damn good.
Posted by: CharlieYup

Re: Message to Teagans baby :time to self abort - 07/18/20 03:42 PM

This baby probably recently got her learners permit to drive.