Posted by: Da Burglar
Da Burg's Baseball Playoff Crystal Ball - 10/01/06 09:18 PM
You all have less than 48 hours to get your bets in with either your local bookie, offshore internet casino, or if you want, I wil be in RENO on Tuesday and I will place your bets with Harrah's.
In addition to Business, Military History, Gourmet Cooking, Strip Club Myth and Lore, and wheelchair Death Sports like "Wheelchair Jousting" (with bamboo spears) and "Landmine Marathon Racing", I am a savant when it comes to Baseball. I know baseball inside and out, and will bury anyone in a trivia deathmatch.
Here is what will happen in the playoffs that start Tuesday.
Detroit vs NY Yankees: Yankees win in four, 3-1. The only reason it will not be a sweep is, in Game 3, "The Big (and old, broken down) Unit" Randy Johnson will get shelled in Detroit due to his Herniated Disc causing his right leg to kick uncontrollably in Dr Strangelove type manner and he will balk in at least 3 runs. But The Yankees will out score Detroit by 20+ runs and win in four games.
Oakland vs Minnesota: The Twins are clearly the better team, but in a five game series, much weird shit may transpire. The Twins will win the Series, but it will be a lot closer than anyone might think looking at the rosters and overall picture right now. It will go the distance....Minnesota wins 3-2. What propels Minnesota to victory will be, at the start of Game 5 in Minnesota, a gorgeous Blonde Bimbo with huge natural tits will streak through the Dome before the playing of the national anthem, giving Tori Hunter a double boob face slap before security slaps the cuffs on her tits, and the Twins will feed off his energy rush. They will gangbang the bimbo afterwards in a victory celebration that Brando Iron will try and copy in January at AEE/AVN by plucking 25 dudes from the casino floor to come up to his suite and jerk off into Gianna's mouth. Look for Hailey Young, in her Softball uniform, to be 'cleanup girl' slurping the overflow from her glove.
Dodgers vs Mets Upset time....no Pedro means death for the Mets. The Dodgers will win in four, 3-1, but the games will all be close. Whittier's favorite Son No-MAH Garciapara, and Jeff Kent, seek to exorcise past postseason demons, and will succeed. I, Da Burglar, will be in attendance at Game Three in Los Angeles so look for the crippled dude (along with 'Vanessa, the Wonder Nurse') holding the sign in the first few rows behind the first base dugout that says "Hillary Scott can Shit Baseballs out of her rectum at 75 MPH, give or take...Someone Sign her to a Minor League Contract NOW!!"
St Louis vs San Diego If there were justice in Sports, NO ONE from the NL Central would be in the playoffs and they would have given the spot to the Phillies, or even the little league team from Taiwan. Anyone but the friggin Cardinals. What a joke (sorry Willie D)...I respect Mr La Russa, but this year's Redbirds are positively embarrasing. Meanwhile, the Padres have a phenomenal Pitching Rotation, balanced by an offense that is about as potent as Ryan Knox slamming Baking Soda instead of Meth because he got gypped on his last buy. I could bat 7th or 8th for the Padres, so long as Gen Padova could pinch run for me out of the Batter's Box. Padres win, probably Sweep the Cards, 3-0, but I would allow for the possibility, since Chris Carpenter is starting game 1 for the dead-birds, that St Louis MIGHT, might, win game 1. I will see what the moneyline is for Game 1 and if the payoff is right, I may take St Louis in the opener, but definitely the Padres for the Series.
Next round, League series.
Minnesota vs Yankees Yanks in 6, 4-2. Again, the yankees will outscore their Opponent by 20+ runs, but Johan Santanna will win one of his starts for the Twins, and that Blonde Bimbo Gangbang Queen from Minnesota, fresh off her Division Series antics, will molest A-Rod before Game 5 and give him a perpetual woody forcing him to either be benched, or wear 2 athletic cups in which case he will go 0-5 striking out all 5 times with the basesloaded stranding 20 runners. But thats as far as the Twins will get....Yankees win the AL Pennant.
Dodgers vs Padres Epic Matchup in the "405 freeway series". It will go the distance, seven games with the DODGERS again pulling a minor upset, 4-3 and winning the NL Pennant. A bigger issue though will be decided: Which team has the softest, most "pussy-ish" dumbshit fans? I have been to NUMEROUS games through the years at both team's ballparks, S.D. and L.A. Baseball Fans in Southern California are exceeded in lack of knowledge, passion and appreciation for the sport ONLY by Hockey Fans in Southern California. People act like they are at a picnic or watching a movie when they watch a Dodgers or Padres game, unlike fans in most other Major League series. I even saw a couple at a Dodger game back in '95 (a year when they made the playoffs) sacrireligously giving each other hand/finger jobs under a large blanket in the last row of the section above/behind Vin Scully's Press Box. Good ol' Vin thought it was starting to rain during the broadcast...if only he knew.
World Series. Dodgers vs Yankees Hearkening back to the golden age of Baseball (Willie, Mickey and the DUKE) when New York City had the Giants, Dodgers AND Yankees playing in the world series every year in some Combination, this will stir a lot of memory and passion, in New York anyway. And the Yankees will win the World Series in 5 games, 4-1. Again, only reason it's not a sweep is the Blonde Big titted Nymphomaniac jumps on the "Big Unit's" BIG UNIT and helps him herniate three more discs, helping him LOSE game four of the series, thwarting the sweep, and ruining His back, effectively ending his baseball career.
So Sayeth Da Burglar....and yes, I am a Yankee fan. Steinbrenner spends money on players like I used to spend on Escorts, before I discovered XPT and Luke Ford opened my eyes to a better way of living. Now I am more like Minnesota Twins or St Louis Cardinals in my Hooker spending habituation. Still, Gotta love that Georgie Boy....
In addition to Business, Military History, Gourmet Cooking, Strip Club Myth and Lore, and wheelchair Death Sports like "Wheelchair Jousting" (with bamboo spears) and "Landmine Marathon Racing", I am a savant when it comes to Baseball. I know baseball inside and out, and will bury anyone in a trivia deathmatch.
Here is what will happen in the playoffs that start Tuesday.
Detroit vs NY Yankees: Yankees win in four, 3-1. The only reason it will not be a sweep is, in Game 3, "The Big (and old, broken down) Unit" Randy Johnson will get shelled in Detroit due to his Herniated Disc causing his right leg to kick uncontrollably in Dr Strangelove type manner and he will balk in at least 3 runs. But The Yankees will out score Detroit by 20+ runs and win in four games.
Oakland vs Minnesota: The Twins are clearly the better team, but in a five game series, much weird shit may transpire. The Twins will win the Series, but it will be a lot closer than anyone might think looking at the rosters and overall picture right now. It will go the distance....Minnesota wins 3-2. What propels Minnesota to victory will be, at the start of Game 5 in Minnesota, a gorgeous Blonde Bimbo with huge natural tits will streak through the Dome before the playing of the national anthem, giving Tori Hunter a double boob face slap before security slaps the cuffs on her tits, and the Twins will feed off his energy rush. They will gangbang the bimbo afterwards in a victory celebration that Brando Iron will try and copy in January at AEE/AVN by plucking 25 dudes from the casino floor to come up to his suite and jerk off into Gianna's mouth. Look for Hailey Young, in her Softball uniform, to be 'cleanup girl' slurping the overflow from her glove.
Dodgers vs Mets Upset time....no Pedro means death for the Mets. The Dodgers will win in four, 3-1, but the games will all be close. Whittier's favorite Son No-MAH Garciapara, and Jeff Kent, seek to exorcise past postseason demons, and will succeed. I, Da Burglar, will be in attendance at Game Three in Los Angeles so look for the crippled dude (along with 'Vanessa, the Wonder Nurse') holding the sign in the first few rows behind the first base dugout that says "Hillary Scott can Shit Baseballs out of her rectum at 75 MPH, give or take...Someone Sign her to a Minor League Contract NOW!!"
St Louis vs San Diego If there were justice in Sports, NO ONE from the NL Central would be in the playoffs and they would have given the spot to the Phillies, or even the little league team from Taiwan. Anyone but the friggin Cardinals. What a joke (sorry Willie D)...I respect Mr La Russa, but this year's Redbirds are positively embarrasing. Meanwhile, the Padres have a phenomenal Pitching Rotation, balanced by an offense that is about as potent as Ryan Knox slamming Baking Soda instead of Meth because he got gypped on his last buy. I could bat 7th or 8th for the Padres, so long as Gen Padova could pinch run for me out of the Batter's Box. Padres win, probably Sweep the Cards, 3-0, but I would allow for the possibility, since Chris Carpenter is starting game 1 for the dead-birds, that St Louis MIGHT, might, win game 1. I will see what the moneyline is for Game 1 and if the payoff is right, I may take St Louis in the opener, but definitely the Padres for the Series.
Next round, League series.
Minnesota vs Yankees Yanks in 6, 4-2. Again, the yankees will outscore their Opponent by 20+ runs, but Johan Santanna will win one of his starts for the Twins, and that Blonde Bimbo Gangbang Queen from Minnesota, fresh off her Division Series antics, will molest A-Rod before Game 5 and give him a perpetual woody forcing him to either be benched, or wear 2 athletic cups in which case he will go 0-5 striking out all 5 times with the basesloaded stranding 20 runners. But thats as far as the Twins will get....Yankees win the AL Pennant.
Dodgers vs Padres Epic Matchup in the "405 freeway series". It will go the distance, seven games with the DODGERS again pulling a minor upset, 4-3 and winning the NL Pennant. A bigger issue though will be decided: Which team has the softest, most "pussy-ish" dumbshit fans? I have been to NUMEROUS games through the years at both team's ballparks, S.D. and L.A. Baseball Fans in Southern California are exceeded in lack of knowledge, passion and appreciation for the sport ONLY by Hockey Fans in Southern California. People act like they are at a picnic or watching a movie when they watch a Dodgers or Padres game, unlike fans in most other Major League series. I even saw a couple at a Dodger game back in '95 (a year when they made the playoffs) sacrireligously giving each other hand/finger jobs under a large blanket in the last row of the section above/behind Vin Scully's Press Box. Good ol' Vin thought it was starting to rain during the broadcast...if only he knew.
World Series. Dodgers vs Yankees Hearkening back to the golden age of Baseball (Willie, Mickey and the DUKE) when New York City had the Giants, Dodgers AND Yankees playing in the world series every year in some Combination, this will stir a lot of memory and passion, in New York anyway. And the Yankees will win the World Series in 5 games, 4-1. Again, only reason it's not a sweep is the Blonde Big titted Nymphomaniac jumps on the "Big Unit's" BIG UNIT and helps him herniate three more discs, helping him LOSE game four of the series, thwarting the sweep, and ruining His back, effectively ending his baseball career.
So Sayeth Da Burglar....and yes, I am a Yankee fan. Steinbrenner spends money on players like I used to spend on Escorts, before I discovered XPT and Luke Ford opened my eyes to a better way of living. Now I am more like Minnesota Twins or St Louis Cardinals in my Hooker spending habituation. Still, Gotta love that Georgie Boy....
) Enjoy the post season guys! 
Go crazy folks, go crazy!!!"
I made it to Reno last Tuesday (october 3) just before the playoffs started, and I placed bets on all four first round series, as well as a couple "extended/Futures" bets for both Leagues Pennants. I did NOT place any bets on the projected World Series champion (thankfully.) By Wednesday Evening (October 4), late, I knew I was in Fucking deep shit! I could just tell, by the way teams were playing and the spirit/chemistry being displayed.
If LaRussa and Leyland were'nt such good friends Rogers would have been kicked out in the first inning. Instead it was a gentleman's agreement that Rogers wash that shit off.
