The Devil in Miss Jones 3 (1986)

Background:
Well, there are two reasons I got reintroduced to this classic: (i) the movie was recently re-released, (ii) I always remembered Lois Ayres was hot, but damn that was twenty years ago. Well, a bird on the window showed me Lois' myspace profile, and wow...she's got quite an interesting story to tell.

This was the first of 3 installments of the "DMJ" franchise done by the Dark Brothers. These, along with New Wave Hookers signalled a sigificant change in the typical porn movie. The sex was still intense, but long gone were the maudlin soundtracks and some of the edgier themes like incest, mock rape, real BDSM, and other exploitation-ish topics.

General:
Title: The Devil in Miss Jones 3: A New Beginning
Year: 1986
Director: Gregory Dark
Studio: Dark Brothers
Distributor: VCA
Music:
(i) Eleven Blue Men. Never heard of this group before, most likely the porn-pseudonym of someone else. "Elven Blue Men" is a reference to the CDC's Epidemic Intelligence Service, who traced the cause of 11 men's cyanosis (turning blue) to a single tainted salt dispenser in a Bowery diner.
(ii) Gleaming Spires.

The Gleaming Spires were a short-lived L.A. new wave band from the early 80s. They scored one minor hit "Are You Ready for the Sex Girls?" which made the Revenge of the Nerds soundtrack. You can check out an old handbill of theirs on the Poshboy Records website. The song in DMJ3 is "A Christian Girl's Problems" from Walk On Well Lighted Streets.

Cast:
Lois Ayres: Miss (Justine) Jones
Vanessa del Rio: Mandy
Amber Lynn:
Kari Foxx:
Jennifer Noxt:
Careena Collins:
Chanel Price (RIP):


Paul Thomas: Groom Left At the Altar
Jack Baker (RIP): Think of him as Virgil from The Divine Comedy.
Tom Byron: Justine's former b/f
"Patient Zero" Marc Wallice
Vince MaMahon aka Peter North
Kevin James
Steve Powers

Full credits from IMDB.

Plot:
This film departs from the original concept of Gerard Damiano's DMJ with Georgina Spelvin--suicidal woman makes a bargain with Satan to live out her remaining days as a slut. In DMJ3, the eponymous Miss Jones actually died at someone else's hands, but her latent lust sends her to Hell. This Justine also wants to earn her way out of Hell. The film rolls in vignettes presented by the various men in Justine's life who, when questioned by an off-camera voice, describe her in various forms, followed by her journeys around Hell with her Aeneas-tourguide who shows her the different punishments for the sexually deviant. Think of it Dante with wood.

Rating:
I normally don't rate these things; they're more often "just so you know" types of things. But even 20 years down the road, this film still rocks. It's a darkly funny film This is the kind of blending of sex and punk attitude that Eon wishes he could produce. The music is interesting but not "early 70s overbearing, the sex is enthusiastic, the sets are cool, and Lois Ayres has a great "fuck you" attitude throughtout.

This is a great name.

The opening credits are interspersed with a nice Lois solo shower scene. Nothing like a clean porn girl.

Scene 1:
Interviewed: Tom Byron
Little Tommy plays the slick ladies' man. During the interview, Tommy describes his antics with Justine, and how she must be a closet lesbian because she wouldn't take it up the ass. After all "I read about it in Penthouse."

While Justine berates Tommy Boy for cheating on him, he is issuing continual denials, even as he lathers up Jennifer Noxt's hair pie for excavation.

As Tomas plunders her newly-shaven clam, she is reminding me of Sara Silverman. She eventually gets flipped on her stomach for a voyage behind door #2. I guess she isn't a closet lesbian.

Scene 2:
Interviewed: unnamed school friend
I don't know what to say about this woman, except I hope she found love with a blind man.

Shift to Justine going to her favorite seedy bar. That hairdo reminds me of Aimee Mann from that softy Canadian band 'Till Tuesday, or maybe the blond guy from A Flock of Seagulls, take your pick. Anyway, she hoofs it up to the bar, next to jilted bridegroom Paul Thomas.

I suspect the groom is allegorical as Justine's temptation, sent to arouse her sexual vice (that would be Commandment 9, heathens). Whatever, by the next camera cut PT is balls deep in her. And that is some hot red lingerie--kinda slutty, who knew, this was Justine the good girl.

When you find Lois on Myspace, you'll see her basic details as, "Female, 43 years old, ANY BACKSEAT, United States."

PT reminds me of the second "Dr. Who." Here the good doctor is preparing the money shot.

Whoops, the thrust behind that money shot just sent Jusine's head into the wall, compacting C1 through C5. Non-medical translation: you dead, bitch!

This must have been a good scene, look at those nipples.

Scene 3:
Interviewed: Father Michael Spamloaf (played by Angst Argyle, who looks a lot like Jonathan Morgan)
Padre Spam was the Jones' family minister, who attests to the fine roots of Justine. And he's doing his best Father Guido Sarducci/Smiling Arab.

He has a nagging suspicion that something horrible has happened to her.

Justine wakes up in the Vestibule o' Hell, aka an abandoned warehouse on Nordhoff St. in Chatsworth. There she meets her tourguide, Jack Baker. Jack is a fucking riot in this whole movie. Jack started as a bit mainstream actor and had roles on M*A*S*H and Happy Days before getting into smut He looks like Meshach Taylor, talks like Richard Pryor and thinks like Redd Foxx. Apparently, he was like this is real life before dying of cancer in 1994.

There is a porny bit of banter here as Justine finds herself in an unknown place with a half-crazy black man ranting at her. He asks if she is a "ho," she asks if he is a "spade," break out all the usual gardening <-> race <-> sex puns. When everyone is finally on the same page, he breaks out with, "Weyell, why didn't ya say that in tha' first place, ya' crazy white bitch!?" I've never heard that line since.

That 6-foot tall whore acting as Jack's horny horse is Chanel Price. Jack summons another demonic "service animal," Steve Powers, and orders him to bang her ass.

This would have been considered an intense scene back in the day, as they go at it, errrr, "horsey style." Except that there are hilarious wild-west-type sound overlays, like the occaional "clop clop" of some non-migratory coconuts, and the sound of the Wells Fargo statecoach whip every time Steve spanks her ass.

Which is sort of ironic, since they prohibit their bankers from lending to porn-related businesses, I think it's policy exception E03 or 04. Oh, and here's some horsey sauce, just sayin'.

Scene 4:
Interviewed: Justine's older brother (unnamed)
Big Brother has a big chip on his shoulder, since Justine was fawned over as a child. Which led to some unusual thinking on her part. Like the theory that the brothas (in his words, "You know, blaaack people, neegroes.") were the most evolved humans because of the size of their peckers.

I really don't know who that guy is. Reply if you do.

Justine and her guide enter the First Circle of Hell: The Eternal Voyeurs. These people never fucked in life, so are condemned to watch for all eternity.

Let's see, the voyeures are: brides: Troy Tannier (yes, a cross-dressing bride), Kari Fox; grooms: Steve Powers, Jim Taylor, and Don Fernando. Virgil Jack says, "And to mix things up, tha Devil keeps changin' up the act, just like a live show! He bad, ha hah!"

Justine recognizes her college roommate, which she can't believe. When she approaches, Kari responds, "Eat me! Lick my pussy, please?!" My kind of girl.

She continues, "I was a cock tease. I showed my tits to this guy so I could get a Gucci bag and he went off an overpass." What did I say about porn girls and Gucci bags. Aside from this being a blatant Mary Jo Kopeckne reference, I suspect she had not yet met The Dignity Extractor.

The first act features Patient Zero and Careena COllins. It's actually an OK scene. Careena was hot back then.

In real life, Careena Collins is a bar-admitted attorney. She used to have a website about her legal career. Don't know what happened to it.

Next on the stage is the trio of Amber Lynn, Patient Zero and Barroid North.

Damn, Amber, aka Buck Adams's sister was also hot, but she has to fuck sideshow acts Dennis-Leary-clone Wallice and Vince-McMahon-clone North.

But she's got a nasty streak and a mean stroke hand.

Knowing nothing else about those involved, this was a great scene. Until the dreaded DPP Knowing what the average porn consumer knows, this act is wrong on socially, psychologically, and medically.

Scene 5:
Interviewed: Jerry Steinman (played by Robert Bullock)

Jerry is blind, but dated the good Justine for a year. He too thought Justine was a wholesome woman. They never did any wierd shit, like fucking pizzas. He oughta know, "I read it in Penthouse."

OK, now Justine is viewing the Second Cirle of Hell: The Gluttons. Here, those who allowed their sexual proclivities to get the best of them are fated to repeat them, over and over and over. Justine is not immune from this punishment, as she accepts Troy Tannier into her mouth.

And then the North Pole into her birth canal.

Jack has some sage words for Justine, who is beginning to wake up to reality. "Now, if I hadn't been here, you'd have been fucked eternally, drowned in cum, and your pussy woulda worn out, bitch!"

Haven't ever heard that line either.

As the move deeper into Hell, Justine encounters her friend Mandy, who is doomed to be gangbanged for 300 years straight.

I think the rundown of stunt cock is: FM Bradley, Steven Harper, Jason Jules, Tony Martino, Troy Tannier, Peter North, Wallice, Steve Powers, pretty much every stunt cock in the building that day.

It's pretty much a free-for-all here.

Odd to think this was 1986, and Vanessa del Rio had already been in porn for at least a decade or more.

Holy tulips, Batman! That thing is HUUUUUGE!

Justine now just wants to get out of Hell. As they walk down a dark dreary path in the Nordhoff St. warehouse, Stoneman blocks their path and beg, "Fuck mee...fuck mee." You can't cross the path unless you suck off Stoneman. Petulant Justine sits down and announces, "Well, I'm not gonna do it!"

As a tender conclusion to the film, Jack Baker exclaimss, "Shit! I knew I should have brought my Walkman. Hey Stoney! Shut tha fuck up, motherfukka! You hear me?!"

Up next: The Devil in Miss Jones 4: The Final Outrage. Wonder what Lois though when she read the script with the line, "Can we play the naked fun game again, Daddy?"

Damn, Willie, this makes me feel old! DMJ 3 was one of the big flicks at the time I first started paying attention to porn.

Nice work Willie.