You Know Your a Whore When

You Know You're A Whore When......


1. You've slept with Geraldo Rivera.

2. Arsenio touches your knee.

3. Even Richard Dawson won't kiss you.

4. Sheik offers you free shares in the company.

5. You become a Vaseline spokesperson.

6. Having two tampons in at the same time doesn't bother you.

7. The EPA comes looking for you.

8. You go through a Sealy (tm) a week.

9. Frederik actually comes to your door himself...just to see
where 1/2 of his orders go.

10. When people say "Ho, Ho, Ho" and it's July.

11. When you don't know "What's his name?"

12. You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.

13. You are the headquarters for the CDC.

14. Your baby looks familiar, but......like who?

15. When they change your # to 976.

16. Tetracycline is your best friend.

17. McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal".

18. It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.

19. Changing your sheets comes more than once a day.

20. When you've got a "Take a Number" machine at your door.

21. When they call you "Shazam" and they don't mean the money machine!

22. When you get hemorrhoids on your shoulders.

23. When getting dresses is not part of your day.

24. Your day starts and ends by rolling over.

25. When the sperm bank calls for remnants.

26. When your screams are heard over a fire alarm.

27. When you're wearing more latex than spandex.

28. When your motto is "2 Days, 2 Pounds...$2.90."

29. When your ceiling mirrors fog.

30. When they install a revolving door at your apartment.

31. On the golf course, your afraid to yell "Fore (four)."

32. When the word Slalom gets you excited.

33. When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.

34. When you have a neon sign saying "open at night".

35. You want to have your name changed to Misty.

36. Madonna comes to you for pointers.

37. You start to think of yourself as Smurfette.

38. You haven't seen your floor in a week.

39. When sunlight scares you.

40. When your favourite quote is "next please".

41. You know all the people in "America's Most Wanted".

42. When Susan Sarandon envies you.

43. When Guinness Book starts calling.

44. When every song reminds you of someone...but who?

45. When everyone is refers to you as "dear" and "honey".

46. When he doesn't even have to buy you a drink.

47. When you have a room key to every hotel in town.

48. When Holiday Inn is coming after you for their linen.

49. Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.

50. The only place you haven't had sex is on the moon.

51. When a men's prison becomes a vacation "hot spot"

52. The Big Dipper looks inviting.

53. When soft foods have become distasteful.

54. White sauce is a staple in your diet.

55. When the Red Cross turns their head at you.

56. When it only took 2 licks to get to the centre of a Blow Pop.

57. When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.

58. When other women begin to call you "Man's Best Friend".

59. You and Prince have already made 3 records.

60. When the neighbors want you to install a drive up window.

you don't have a bank account.

...even your mama calls you a whore.

...you passed out drunk and you wake up next day and notice your pussy and asshole were gang-banged.

when you don,t feel right dressing up and going out on the town for fun.

when a guy talk to you and all you hear is: blah,blah,blah,blah,300 bucks,blah,blah,blah.

when you call 5 inch heels my comfortable shoes.

when you taking a piss and a old condom falls out a week later,after you accused a dude for trying to fuck you raw.

I tell you your a whore.

isabel icewas just readingg this so i thought i i would bummp it.

When the cashier rings you up for false eyelashes and enemas.

when you can't spell you're properly.

When you know you are a whore.

When you seem to earn a lot of money, but never have any. But your boyfriend has a new car.

When none of your old friends want anything to do with you now.

When your idea of a good time is stuffing coke up your nose, hitting a club and hoping Luke Ford will be there to take your picture.

When you pick up your first prescription for anti-biotics or penicillin.

When your family publicly disown you.

When your circle of friends is made up entirely of people in the adult industry.

When you get knocked up and the only people who come to your rescue after all your loyal years in the industry are Suze and Holly.

When your whoring escapades are posted here and you run away in denial.

leans back

When you get released from a 45-day jail sentence and get out only after three days. But then get put back in jail the next day

when Mandingo is fucking you from behind and you ask "is it in yet?"

When Jeff Steward hands you a two party out of state check for letting fifty degenerates drop thier loads on your face.

when you pool your money together every year just to hang out with degenerate pornagraphers in Vegas

Yeah that's pretty much what happened. Are you making fun of me? cause I just made fun of myself you know.

... You think about how many dicks have dug your holes.
... your basic dairy food is cum.
... you see your mom in a MILF scene and wish it was you instead.
... you can´t feel the difference between cunt and asshole fucking.