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Florida- I was on the phone with Craig Valentine who was heading to the doctor's to have stitches removed from his head. The suggestion was that Valentine also have the MD look for the rocks and remove those while he's at it.
But that's from other nonsense Valentina drama involving porn chicks. The stitches are a product of wrestling.
In a head busting scenario, Valentine has just lost his championship belt to Evan Stone who's among a number of porn stars now being sucked into the vortex of grunt and groan in Florida. It sounds like fun if not a little dangerous because Valentine in the past few months has been in the ER more than George Clooney.
"It's always a good day when the prince of porn [Stone] bangs your head into a locker and throws 190 pounds of locker on top of you," quips Valentine.
"If the company owners don't fight, the talent might as well."
Valentine figures the wrestling shows he has to offer with the NRPW are a lot more entertaining than the rest of the adult business has been this year.
"Everyone's closing down aren't they?" says Valentine. "And the girls are still going I want my rate, I want my rate! Go ahead. Go find it. It's like the agents down here are, the girls get their rates. They do? Let 'em sit home. When they're broke, tell 'em to come see me. I'm sorry. I'm playing Rob Spallone down her. One of the agents goes, you don't understand what my girls get. Well, they ain't gettin' shit. It's three companies down here shooting. Kiss my ass."
"Then the girls show up and they don't look like their pictures and their crotches fuckin' stink," Valentine mutters. "It's horrible."
Valentine tells one story of a girl on his set who swore she didn't do drugs and alcohol.
"Then she came out of the bathroom crying. I go what happened? She says I dropped my coke flask on the floor. No sweetie, this is a drug-free set. So I didn't have her do her scene, and she's Jonesing so bad. I said if you're really desperate you can lick it off the floor or take a straw and sniff it up. She goes, I'd never do anything like that! Ten minutes later she's coming out of the bathroom licking her lips. She says the floor tasted nasty."
"Then she's at my wrestling show- she's under 21, ordering a bottle of champagne," Valentine laughs. "Then I had two wrestlers come at me- what's this girl wanting to blow us for a fucking eight-ball? Doesn't she know we've all gone through the WWE rehab program and don't do that shit no more? It's pretty bad when a little porn whore is trying to blow my wrestlers for coke, and they're like we've all gone to rehab, can we throw her out- we don't want the coke. I got that actually on tape, too."
Back to the Stone incident, Valentine says, like with Stone, he's also got some issues with Tommy Gunn, now also part of this menagerie headed up by Mary Carey who's the commissioner. Think about that for a moment.
"I never thought that the prince of Porn- Stone- a multi-award winner would stoop to such a low level to do the underhanded things that he did," states Valentine.
"But I'm a little more disappointed in the REAL Tommy Gunn."
And Valentine keeps emphasizing the word REAL to describe Gunn.
"Not the fake one- the fag with the blond hair," says Valentine. "I guess when I was out of it, I got hit in the back of the head with my own championship belt by the REAL Tommy Gunn. Then he threw Evan on top of me for the win."
The old belt in the back of the head trick.
But because he's also CEO, Valentine has rescheduled a match with Stone for July 20.
"But apparently Tommy knocked Evan out too. Tommy said if he takes everybody out, Evan will no longer be able to win the Male Performer of the Year awards and they're all Tommy's. So I guess Mr. Stone got burned by his own friend and that's pretty entertaining."
"But I'm curious," says Valentine. "If Tommy Gunn's going to be running around my federation like a poison pill, and hitting everybody with belts, what's in store for the fake Tommy Gunn? Is the fake Tommy Gunn going to get in the ring with the REAL Tommy Gunn? I'd like to know."
Valentine suspects that some of this bad blood might spill over into LA Erotica.
"And Evan isn't that pissed off at me right now, but he will be when I give him the beating of his life July 20 and get my belt back."
Valentine's also received word that Tony Batman was showing up to the July 20 event.
"Maybe Batman is going to fight Porno Dan in the ring," muses Valentine.
Also on the wrestling cards, Valentine's been featuring another duo known as The Scumbag Agents.
"We have one fat guy and one skinny guy- it sounds like Brian and Eli," Valentine chuckles.
"And they're out trying to recruit girls and take their money. But remember- They're The Scumbag Agents, East Coast. I have two more: The Scumbag Agents, West Coast. You never know who they may look like."
"You got to figure my shows are better than real life because they are a parody of real life."
Although he stresses that he has no desire to compete with Vince McMahon, Valentine's been offering invitations left and right to take McMahon to some ritzy steak house.
"He may want to sit down and talk to me or call me an asshole and walk out the fucking door," thinks Valentine. "Or he may pick up the check. Wait, that's a Ron Jeremy flashback, there. But I'd love to see if I get the phone call from Vinny Mac."
Valentine hints that Angela Stone may also be getting involved in this mayhem.
Notwithstanding, the July 20 show is being held at The Dome in Bakersfield.
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