Happy birthday, I would have been happy to take you out for an alcohol free dinner. You should check in to one of those cognitive programs for anxiety though, might help with your fear. I hear one advertised with Lucinda Basset but there are others.

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You seem like a very good person. I hope you have a great alcohol-free birthday.

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Thank you... yes it was my first sober birthday, which was a little weird. I actually started the day off in a great mood, but then got progressively more depressed as the day went on. I've always taken my birthday off of work, and I usually have what I call "Hollyfest": a week of parties, dinners, and a lot of boozing. This year was very quiet, and anti-climatic in a way. I wasn't expecting anything grand, but for some reason I was disappointed. I hate growing older, and I know this sounds stupid, but when I was a little girl, I thought I would be engaged or married by now. Or at least be in a relationship that might be headed that way. I didn't think I'd be an alcoholic commitment-phobe who would rather spend an evening working than going out on a date. Actually scratch that-- I'd rather spend an evening getting my toenails ripped out than go on a date. I crave yet fear intimacy, but before I had alcohol to suppress that fear. So without it I'm at a loss of how to deal with relationships (not that I was dealing with them well when I was drinking). I don't know, I think I'm just hormonal right now, but I'm glad my birthday's over, and I'm in no hurry for the next one. Maybe by then I'll grow up and I won't be so whiny about it.

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