Been arrested once, but didnt even make it to JAIL...get this! It shows what being WHITE, Disabled, Intelligent, wellspoken, polite-yet-not-eddie-haskel-esque-phony, versed in a basic thorough knowledge of Civics as well as the litigation tolerance/threshold-of-pain of most Western Mass Townships with populations around 20,000 but with average per capita incomes and net worths obscenely higher than the rest of the state, and most importantly almost-a-Harvard Grad-who-made-sure-to-show-his-School ID-before-his-state license (I was about 1-1/2 semesters away from G-day at the time of this alleged infraction of certain unjust, archaic and tyrannical controlled substance laws) will do for you under the right circumstances.

The two detectives, overweight, 3 years (max)from getting their 20 year pins and saying "sayanora Western Mass and 15 degree temperatures in January accompanied by 2 feet of snow, and hello Las Vegas and Boulder City with 24 hour Blackjack and hot & cold running *legal* whores", had me in their office trying to get me to either confess or trip me up in a story inconsistency. I just kept pointing to my hearing Aid, reciting Caesar's Gaulic Commentaries in latin (hah 6 years worth of a dead language proved useful afterall), grabbing my penis with my other hand like I had to pee and stating my urgency to go but their bathroom in the Officer's lounge next to the swat rifle cabinet was not up to code and I could therefore hurt myself and sue them for some ungodly amount of money since I was technically in their custody, even though I drove myself to the police station in my Handicapped Equipped Van AFTER they arrested me and read me my rights and frisked me in my wheelchair, which involved feeling my ass up from underneath to see if I was sitting on a MAC 10 which I DISLIKED very much (I told all THIS detail in English, in between the Latin recitation of Gaulic Warrior Dress Codes, Casualty Figures for Vercengetorix's Cavalry, and the strategic consequence of Caesar's Epileptic Seizures, which I did my best to demonstrate in the Universally understood body language of "FIT, The Thrown Type...")

No charges were ultimately files and the case dropped, I just had to return the substances in Question (or most of them anyway) and told to seek some help for "other issues"...