last time i wasnt leaving for good... last time i said it was temporary... all facades aside i was going to visit my mother who was quite ill and help her out. It did remind me of where i come from though, and how much i had begun to change... and reverse that process.

i see nothing wrong with the statements i made... karma would come if i lied. if i said i loved this industry and its vapid drug dazed deniens i would call upon karma to return me here... i'm not doing that... are there good people in the business, this town... yes. but not as many as i would have liked to believe.
I will still have some hands in the business in a fashion... but i will be as far away as possibe.

my new venture allows me to tap my loves of Jules Verne, Fritz Lang, Ray Bradbury and other futurists visions... and bring them to life. that is all i will say about it.

my only intentions for returning to the los angeles area is to come ride Tatsu at Magic Mountain after it opens...

and yes, the shift key wastes time in non-traditional communication.

do i hate this business... at its core.. no. i do think it is lacking in almost all erotic value these days. I would rather watch a Russ Mayer film any day before the stuff the adult industry puts out today.
When i jerk off i prefer the movies of companies like seduction cinema... who actually make something erotic.

this isnt me leaving bitterly...if i seem to put out a level of disgust it is not a sweeping generalization. but this business is never where i saw myself staying. it was just something i wanted to do for a while, and we had fun... but im tired of it.

I plan on having kids soon... i dont want to raise them here. i dont want to raise them in L.A.... i was grateful this opportunity came when it did... i have been waiting for years. I have been working for this company as a side job for a long time... doing many little freelance projects.. and when i was offered this position... at a time when i was already ready to leave... who could turn it down. not I.

But yes, i leave this business behind. It is a chapter of my life i am closing to begin a new.
nothing negative... though i do have a neagtive view of many, performers especially.

I dont mean to come off harsh... i just honestly feel no desire to continue in this business... hence my quitting performing months back.

i hope it is easier to understand.